Still not better

Today was a so so day. I wasn't as depressed, but I was getting a lot of hallucinations. I called my friend Kate and she got mad at me for not calling my doctor even though it's been going on for over a week now. I've been thinking about going into the hospital... but I don't know. I know I don't feel well enough for work, but I'm still going to try going in tomorrow. It gives me something else than sitting around all day to think about. I've been sleeping late, and Geo hasn't been sleeping well at night, so as I'm waking up he's lying down for a nap. He then sleeps till dinner, or after, so I'm alone all that time. That's normally when I would be working. Then I make dinner and either wake up Geo and watch TV, or eat alone. It just depends on how tired he is. He only gets like 4 hours of sleep a night, so he needs his naps. I just wish there was something he could take for sleep that would last longer, but his doctor says it's not a big problem as long as he's getting in his naps. Sometimes I like that our doctor doesn't just throw pills at us, other times like this I wish he would.
I tried going for my walk today, and I failed. I got to the front of the apartment complex and just felt like pure and utter crap. I sat on a bus bench for a couple minutes, and then continued on to the next stop. I sat there, but I couldn't go any further. My stomach was pumping so much acid I thought I was going to barf. So I turned around and went home. I felt like a failure, but at least I got something in. I didn't even break a sweat in 90 degree weather. I don't know how that's possible, but it is I guess. I've been feeling cold all day. I hope I'm not getting sick.
I went over my calories for the past 3 days and I've gained 2 pounds. That's what I get for trying to spoil myself for Geo and my anniversary. Geo has been very loving lately and I'm eating it up. I might ask him to lay with me tonight.. I just need some comfort. I can't say why. Although my Aunt Teddy sent me this little “How to deal with Grief” pamphlet in the mail, and that got me starting to think about my Nana again. It hurts... I miss my Nana. I wear her rosary when I go out to remember her by. I can't wait until I can get my tattoos for her and my dad. For her, I'm getting a rosary, and for my dad a red rose with a galaxy instead of pollen. I need to lie down, so I'm going to end this here.