Still loving you

Today, I had to put on a presentation for 5th graders so that they can hopefully sign up for orchestra when they go to Middle School.  My orchestra had to sound good and I had to sound excited.  That's hard when you're not really excited about anything at all.  When I did this presentation yesterday, I bombed it.  I don't think I was exciting enough for the gym full of 5th grade students.  And the orchestra was not paying attention so I give us a "C".  I was feeling so sad and lost without Aaron.  I usually complained to him about doing these types of presentations.  But no one was there ready to lend a sympathetic ear....And then I got just the worst headache, probably from all of the stress and pressure of it all.
Today, I knew that I had to do it again.  Instead of focusing on my loss, I focused on my love for him...My love for Aaron was true and 100% FOR HIM.  I do NOT regret loving him and building my life with him even though it ended like this.  And I thought "now he really knows  and believes that I LOVED him more than any other man on this planet," even though his earthly brain wouldn't allow him to believe it.  He knows all this now... Most days I don't let myself think of him because it is usually excruciating but today I'm thinking about the love we had, something I do NOT regret.  Tomorrow it will probably all hit me again and I will feel painful sadness but today I'm going to enjoy thinking of him while I still can...