still intermitantly want to die.

I was in the hospital from Monday to Friday of last week.  I don't feel I got the help I needed.  I still want to die half the time.  The other half I'm trying not to be like that.  I feel anxious all of the time.  I know a whole lot of people care for me, but it doesn't erase the pain of being.  I went out to eat with a friend today, and she kept telling me how wonderful I am.  It kept me going for about two hours.  Then I started to crash again.  Then another friend came over to do her laundry.  I did my own folding and cleaned the litter box.  we played Mancala and ate pizza.  My hubby is downstairs watching a movie with her and I came up here because I can't take it anymore.  I told her I felt the need to isolate for a while.  So I'm up here, thinking of how to hold it together.  I am very tired.