Still in shock after 15 weeks...

Today marks 15 weeks since I lost my soulmate...tomorrow will mark exactly 3 calendar months, and Sunday would have been his 60th birthday.  I am still not processing the fact that he is gone and not coming back...I still half expect him to come through the door, or come down the hall on his way to the bathroom or something...I still expect to hear him calling me from the bedroom like he did in the last few months before he went into the hospital that last time. It seems like a lot of time has passed, and that no time has passed...like time has stood still or something...it's like everything stopped the day he passed away.  I am so depressed I really don't know how it can get worse...but I fear that it probably will as I move toward acceptance...maybe that's why I'm not progressing...maybe that's why I'm still in shock...
I miss him so much.  I don't want to be here without him.  I wish I could either hit a button and rewind life back a couple of years, to when he was still here, healthy and we were happy...or fast forward to the day that I join him...