still having trouble

I was determined to get back on track but that didn't go so well.  I had a real craving for birthday cake. I'm sure it's because my birthday this got overshadowed my extenuating circumstances. anyway, I decided I should have a birthday cake so I bought me one. Thought I'd have a piece and get it out of my system. Just as I'm about to eat a piece my brother calls me and needs me to take him back into emergency. Turns out he's ok, but I didn't get back home til midnight and still had the cake on my mind. felt cheated not getting it, so I had a huge slice at midnight with ice cream. then for breakfast had another slice. I think it boils down to feeling neglected on my real birthday, then when I decide to have my own celebration that gets interupted too. I still feel cheated and I know eating more cake will not take away that feeling, but I will probably keep eating cake til it's gone. I don't know what the problem is. I don't usually get any kind of celebration for my birthday anyway, but for some reason this year it felt bad. Sometimes I just wish there was someone in my life that cared enough about me to want to do something really specaiol. I would like someone to go whole hogg and just do something really incredible for me. Something that requires though and even sacrafice on their part. I guess I'm being selfish but I've done those kinds of things for others and no one has ever reciprocated. Its not that I want expensive gifts, I'm not materialistic at all, but I want to know that someone cares enough to do something that costs them something (time, money, whatever) for me. I want to be someone special to someone, not just an after thought. Wow, this journal did not go where I thought it would. I was just going to write about my craving for cake, but I think it will do me good to get these feelings out.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

So sorry to hear your bday was not the best...I have often \"rewarded\" myself with food...food as love, food as comfort. I always buy myself a present for my birthday...and a Christmas present...and this started during my last marriage when my husband decided not to do presents for me at all. At least I honored myself...so...I hope you will buy yourself a gift....

Happy Belated Birthday!!!!!
Hugs, Truth
deleted_user
deleted_user

I understand how feeling underappreciated or forgotten can lead to eating for comfort, but you\'re right, it doesn\'t even help in the end and only makes us feel worse with the addition of guilt or shame. You\'re doing so very well to keep journaling, working through all this; you will come out on top! Know that you\'re thought about often and cared about always. Take care today and throughout this week.