still gone!!!

i'm starting to freak out. she still hasn't come back. it's been a month and a half and she hasnt returned. people just dont disappear without warning and not comeback. they're parents dont act suspicious and lie to you about her return. the possiblity that i will never see her again is becoming more and more of a reality. i'm so scared for her and i dont know what to do. i'm terrified for her safety and happiness and yet i feel selfish. i've never cared about anyone like i have for her and i never got to tell her that i was in love with her. she left litterally 2 days after finding out that i was gay and i was going to tell her i had feelings for her, but now she's gone, and i never said good bye or i care or please be alright... there's nothing i can do to help her if she's in trouble. her mother tells me she's in pakistan, what can i say to that. i have this horrible feeling about this whole situation and i know something just isn't right. i know my friend and i know this wasn't what she wanted whereever she is. God!!! i'm so fustrated. people keep asking me about her, buti know just as little as they do and they all expect me to know, and i should know, she was practically my wife in school, i never stopped thinking about her, and if she never shows up and i go on to university, i'm afraid i will never stop thinking about her. i used to fantisize about having kids with this girl, i wanted us to live together and grow old together. i know that's stupid, her being straight and all, but i honestly thought i had a sligt chance with her. i wanted to show her how much i cared, and now i'll never see her again. no one could have cared about her like i did. i'm already using past tenses, like she's dead or something. i really just cant handle this, i just want her to come back, even for 10 minutes, or just for the day, so that she can tell me she's alright and not being hurt or abused.fuck!