Still feeling the sting

Today would have been our three year anniversary. I did get out on Friday, but this weekend has mostly been sitting on the couch, watching movies, and crying. When I went out on Friday, I put pictures up on my Snapchat story...he looked at them. I'm not sure how many people know about the "My Story" portion of Snapchat, but you can post to it for every one of your friends to look at if they want to. So, he looked at both of the pictures I posted...my name is attached to them, mind you. It's not like he just taps a button and gets everyone's story in one. I almost texted him...I didn't know what I would say, though, so I did not. And I know that I am making a big deal out of nothing. He may not be good for me for so many reasons, but it's still hurting.

I have been told to go to the doctor and get some antidepressants. I mean I know why I've been told that; I'll be honest, I have talked about taking my life. I would never do it...I don't know why I've talked about it. Maybe because it just feels so hopeless to me right now. Ugh, this is ridiculous. He's not sitting and crying about me. He's playing his video games...which I do believe more than ever is an addiction for him and sleeping until 4-6 pm on his days off...he's doing what he always wanted to do without me "nagging" him to join the rest of the world. I just realized how said his life truly is...and how much it's not the life for me. I deserve so much better.