Still feeling miserable.

Every day at the end of the work day I have to go around and lock up the work place and make sure the kettle for heating water for tea or other hot drinks is unplugged. This isn't actually a big task and could probably be done in a little under 1-2 minutes if the person doing it ran.

Unfortunately, whenever I do tasks that should be quick and simple like unplug something or lock a door it results in a subtle, brief "anxiety attack" or flashbacks or dissociation. So when I'm closing up the workplace at the end of the day the process takes me maybe 10 to 15 minutes.

After that I have to get my stuff (coat and book bag) together and leave. But I have a compulsion to make sure I haven't forgotten anything. This task should only take less than a minute. However, I experience the same problem as with closing up and it usually ends up taking me another 15-20 minutes to get through that and finally leave work for the day.

The past month or so my anxiety has been getting worse and along with it the dissociations, flashbacks and "anxiety attacks". The other day it took me 40 minutes to power through these issues and get out the door after work.

I felt like curling up and crying, but I can't afford to do that and let my family find out or it would make matters exponentially worse.