Still feeling lonely

I got paid today, so my roomates and I did a little shopping things for the house and things for the animals. I was in target and saw this man playing with his kids and I almost started crying again. I have been having very strange dreams as well about people I have died. What does it mean? I just wonder how long I am going to be without my true love? When will I go to join him? I am trying to make everything easy when I do pass instead of all screwed up. I am scared about being on this earth without my husband. There must be a reason why I am still here?