Still cant believe it ..... Im lost

I still cant believe this is happening to us. I know hes not here, and I saw his body three times, but I feel like its all a bad dream, we are waiting for him to come back. I so wish I could say to Thom, Thom guess what Daddy is here, but I know I cant and never will be able to. I keep dreaming he is alive and then the reality hits when I wake. I feel Im diseased and can never be cured.