Still can't tell anyone

So yesterday (last night), my roommate was like "what are you in a support group for", when I was talking about dailystrength, and in my head, I was like "rape" but out my mouth, came out "stuff." I'm so used to hiding that part of me, that even people that would totally understand, and people that have similar issues, I still can't talk to. I still can only talk to my counselor. I used to be able to say it to friends, but now I can't. Almost like it's a defense mechanism of some sort, I am so quick to hide my issues. It's aggravating, LOL!