still can't get him out of my head

So I check Isaac's Mom's fb page just about everyday.  She added a picture I noticed just now of her and him.  It's like I want to cry but I can't!  Kinda frustrating..... He doesn't look good to me.  His hair is grown out, he has facial hair which I hate how it looks on him & it looks like he's aging.  There's pictures of him on her page that show how I love how he originally looks to me.   Shaved head, clean shaven with no facial hair.  I love when he looks like that.  It shows his beautiful luscious lips and just the face I've always loved and gives my stomach the butterflies its used to feeling around him.  Just looking at his picture today twisted my stomach in knots.  Its that sexual tension we'd feel around each other until we'd immediately attack each other.  Then it was nonstop.  We've always been nymphos!  Lol it explains a lot!  He's the only one where I was sexually 100% compatible with!  I mean he'd make me sore the next day.  Now I'm crying just thinking about it.  I wish I could have him but I can't.  His sickness is too much for me.  I hate feeling this way!