still at it ,..... again.

 Again  I'm trying to stop. I don't know why I can't do it. Over and over again. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of being tired. I'm fed up with my whole situation. I missed my drug test on the 8th, again. That's probably my seventh or eighth one I've missed. I have a feeling, when the middle of October comes that something is gonna happen that is gonna cause me to hate myself more then I already do now. I just don't understand, why I can't get right. Why I constantly choose something that I hate so much over someone that I love so much. I hate this. I hate this so much. I just want to go right so I can be a mom. And, so I can stop hearing myself complain so much.