Still Up!

(No funny hidden thoughts or inuendos here, friends. Decorum. Decorum.) I MEANT that I'm still in a good mood. Still watching my moods. I'm in a high mood still. Those Carlson books really are helping, this third one is repetitive, but it's all I have left at the moment. I've already loaned my first two to a friend who believes she has to be so busy that she needs (and appreciates) my underlining and highlighting all the good stuff, so she can get the information; she lives under the illusion of emergency and urgency. Maybe the books will help; we'll see. Of course, the reason I'm still in a better mood is the 'shyness' information. I think it explains alot of my behaviors in the past. It also brings its affects and effects to my conscious awareness. Before I didn't know why I was 'reacting' the way I did...now I know what has caused those 'natural' (unconscious) feelings and I feel I can begin to control those 'automatic' thoughts and feelings. Here's what I've learned from 'Shyness.com'. (Drop down to 'resources, toggle 'Shyness in the encyclopedia', if you need more....) Shyness may be defined experientially as discomfort and/or inhibition in interpersonal situations that interferes with pursuing one's interpersonal or professional goals. It is a form of excessive (obsessive, my word) self-focus, a preoccupation with one's thoughts, feelings, and physical reactions. Shyness reactions can occur at any or all of the following levels: cognative (thinking), affective (feeling), physiological and behavioral and may be triggered by a wide variety of arousal cues. Among the most typical are: authorities, one-on-one opposite sex interactions, intimacy, strangers, having to take individuating action in a group setting, and initiating social actions in unstructured, spontaneous behavioral settings. Expecting others to act like powerful and harsh critics who ultimately reject any contribution or action of theirs leads shy people to develop coping strategies of minimal involvment in social life and avoidance of situations that carry potential risk of rejection. People for whom shyness is an ongoing problem don't take advantage of social situations (I have a very tiny network of friends and aquaintences), date less (I dated twice in all three years of high school), are less expressive verbally and non-verbally (I know, I know...he's not having that much problem here...but I am having troubles with my resume' and those narratives for grad school; plus, I don't give a lot of non-verbal cues, intentionally, about my thoughts and feelings to strangers or people who aren't close friends, i.e. evaluating/potential threats), and show less interest in other people than non-shys (I am far from being a 'social butterfly' or from needing to be around people all the time). Shy individuals are frequently painfully self-conscious, and report more negative thoughts about themselves (I still belive codependency is caused by obsessive negative thinking) and others in social interactions, seeing themselves as inhibited, awkward, unfriendly, and incompetent. They are more likely to forget information presented to them when they believe they are being evaluated (like meeting new people, or in school). Two of the more profound, though less obvious, negative consequences of shyness include:a) greater health problems from lack of a social support network, and failure to disclose fully personal or sensetive problems to medical and psychological care givers (probably why I'm had several therapists over the years that didn't, or couldn't help. Thank God for books and Daily Strenghth); and b) making less money in less suitable jobs due to less frequent requests for raises, lowered visibility on the job, interview setting difficulties, and limits on job advancement that require greater verbal fluency and leadership skills (This is the # 1 problem I've faced in my life; shyness is probably the cause of all my career failings). Born timid, easily aroused (Highly Sensitive Person; easily OVER-stimulated by their environment), and not responsive to social engagement overtures leads to less frequent social interactions with parents, siblings, (I call my brother and half sisters once every couple of months, I met with my brother last October after a three year absence; he lives in Dallas, Tx)family and friends, thus promoting a shy response style. Biological correlates are blue eye color with blonde hair and pale skin, and allergies, especially hay fever. Computer interaction enables the user to maintain a higher degree of control over the interaction than in direct, informal social communication. Anyway....there's a whole lot more, including Shame as a connection to shyness.  I'm happy with the information at the moment. It explains too much, and/or...it gives me something to work on to solve my 'problem(s)'. It may explain my codependent behaviors, worrying about what others are thinking and feeling about me, evaluating me. Causing me anxiety and promoting anxiety-reducing behaviors and thoughts (anti-depressants are good for reducing anxiety, probably why I took them until recently).  And so it struggle (process) continues.... Richeart