Stepping Forward

Hi,

This is my very first foray into an online support group like this.  I am a veteran from Iraq 2004.  My journey towards health and function has been full of ups and downs. 

Right now, I am doing well in vital ways: I have stopped drinking for the longest period since my '04 deployment.  I am getting stronger and clearer on the causes, conditions, and behaviors that influenced me.  I am also considered pretty successful among family, friends, and peers -- hardworking and dependable, despite taking great lengths to hide my deep struggles with depression, anxiety, and suicide.

This year, though, I made some great decisions.  I sought therapy and attended AA.  That really helped me understand the underlying causes of the actions and relationships that were hurting me. 

I also came to understand how my actions and behaviors hurt other people.  I've been working very hard to be a better dad to my two young children.  Unfortunately, my marriage of 10 years is coming to an end.

Through these years I have done lots of reading and writing, trying to understand so much about Iraq and my past.  I came from an ultra-religious family and experienced many things that I later came to realize were quite damaging to my developing sense of self. 

The years prior to 2016 were a very hard road of fighting for mental survival.  Yet outwardly I projected an auroa of calm and control to everyone.  Now that I am admitting my issues and seeking health, I feel stronger and happier than ever in my life.  But the relationships, like my marriage and old ties to the religious community, are crumbling.  That really hurts. 

It feels bewildering, which is by no means a new feeling.  Yet this time, I really want to go about my future in a better and healthier way.

I know enough to know that I cannot do it alone.  I cannot keep trying to be the stoic, silent one.  Yet I know this will be okay.

I am joining this Daily Strength site in hopes of virtually connecting with some wise people.  To find support.  To find a place to express myself.  To connect with others who maybe understand what I've been through. 

I hope time spent here will serve as an alternative to traditional social media, which often leaves me pretty stressed out.

Thanks.