Stepping Back

I went to the hospital this morning. I want to get all of my discharge summaries so I can gage where I have come from in the past three years. I also would like to start writing a summary journal of what I have gone through in this short matter of time. My life has turned around and the changed has almost killed me. I am still in a suicidal state of mind and I can't seem to pull away. I suppose all bipolar people go this mind set, and I have sympathy for all. I know that my parents witness this in me and they try to help, however, my friends (even the closest) don't recognize this and they fail to help me when I need them the most. My best friend blames me for the breakup of her and her boy friend and thus she tells me that I am putting too much drama in her life. I needed her help and she said that I make her feel horrible or something of that nature. Thankfully I don't see her everyday so there is no reminder of our friendship. I don't want to worry about this though, there are too many important things in life to worry about, my health included. My father is complaining about money again and it’s making me feel bad. I know that he has plenty of money, though he feels as though he's broke. How do I condense all of my feelings and write a concise piece that sums up what I have done and what I am planning to do. How do I write how I feel when words will never depict the true pain that I feel daily? Well I guess I am going to go ahead and start writing an outline of what i feel will be something productive.