STEPPED OUT OF MY BOX!
Sunday, 1-11-09: I actually went to a baby shower today. It was for a "girl" I baby-sat eighteen years ago. I just couldn't not go. I only knew a few people there, so it was really a stretch for me. I don't like to be away from home very much. But, it wasn't awful. In fact, it was kind of fun to ooh and ahh over all the cute things. (They have some really cool baby stuff now!) Craig even went baby stuff shopping, with me, on Saturday. I put it off until then because I wasn't sure I would make it to the shower. Anyway, he was really into it. It was cute. The "almost Grandma", and I, are friends. Her mother just passed away Friday. And here we are, getting ready to welcome a new life into the world. It truly is the circle of life. I am trying to get to bed. It is nearly 12:30 a.m. I have to be up in about 5 1/2 hrs. Ouch! Nothing new about that, but.... I am having a glass of red wine tonight. I figure it is not as strong as a rum and Coke, it doesn't have caffeine, makes me sleepy, and actually has some health benefits. However small, I am trying to make some adjustments to my life. We will see. I only work four days this week and next. Yea! A four day weekend to look forward to. I am going to take my mom to the mall one day. And, I am going to work on tax stuff on another. I dread the tax stuff. We have an accountant, but, it is the gathering of everything that is a pain. I am pretty good at keeping things in one place. Usually. This year everything is in one of three places. It is just sort, pitch, sort, pitch. I don't have a lot of concentration or patience for that sort of thing anymore. And Craig, well, he just wouldn't have a clue. Chris came over for dinner tonight. We just had chili. It was good to see him. I haven't seen him since Christmas, I think. He is okay, but seemed a little distant, crabby, something..... We chatted quite a while, though. Adam is having a hard time again. He goes for counseling tomorrow. His journey, over losing Melissa, is just as hard as mine, I think. He, just like me, has all the ups and downs. She was his best friend as well as his girlfriend. She is the one that helped him the most after Scott died. She was his world, really. He has dated another girl since late summer/early fall. But, it is a rebound thing, I think. They are not getting along so well, now. He just wasn't ready. On the other hand, if he hadn't been dating her I am not sure he would have done as well as he has. So there you go. Again. Confusion...just like me. My mom gave me food for thought, today. I didn't like it, either. We were talking about me going to the shower and she was saying how it would be good for me, I need to live again, etc. I told her I was living. She promptly corrected me and told me, "No you are not. You are existing." She is right. Now, I have to think about how to incorporate a little living into my life. Thanks Mom! But, maybe today, stepping out of my box, was a start.
Replies
Good for you! Every journey starts with a single step, and you have taken several. It\'s hard to hear words like your mom\'s, but it sounds like you were able to receive them in the spirit they were given. May God bless your efforts and guide each small step as you go forward to the \"new life\" that is ahead, while carrying in your heart everything precious from your old life.
Good for you each small step adds up and they are easier to do. We begin where we can and do what we can and I for one say Yeah to you, well done. Learning to \"live\" again is the hardest thing we will ever too and it takes time, one step at a time. Hope you get those taxes sorted and some rest with your long weekend. Feel better. Love and hugs Cathy
Good for you on the small steps toward another part of your life. We all have existed from time to time but Mom is right we have to start living again sometime. Hope you find everything you need for the tax man & enjoy those 4 day work weeks...Love & hugs, Connie
well done to you my friend. i dont want to step out of my box at all. even when i HAVE to, i avoid anyone i know, i cant bear even having to give the energy to talk to anyone. others might see it as a problem. i dont, i just want to be in my house. thats all. i dont think im depressed. but boy, like you, its REALLY hard to go out there and take part in anything. lots of love, jan
oh sweetie, well well WELL done! that is so brave of you and just what I should do as well..! I am very rudderless at the moment and weary - have been secluded for so long - but I know, like you - I must take some first steps. Not sure how, but I MUST! Good on you, you have inspired me, my friend..hugzzz Cathrynn X
My 20 yr. old grandson got married to a girl he had only know 3 months the month after his Dad died. I knew that it was too soon, and that he was just trying to fill that empty space he was feeling, and to have someone in the house with him.(He was raised in the house with his Dad, and staying there alone had to be awfu; for him,but it was what he insisted he wanted.)I sure understand how hard it is to get out and \"live\" again. I have been forcing myself to get up,get dressed,put on make up and got to my grand daugthters soccer games/ I made myself go take 2 of the grand kids to the Christmas parade, because the 3rd grand daughter was marching in the parade. I even went 2 hours away to my nieces for Christmas day with James, and my grandson. It was very hard to pretend that I was just fine all day, but my Mom and younger sister were here from Louisiana, and my older sister and her husband,and of course my niece and her husband and kids. I was exhausted and I cried all the way home. My niece has 2 little boys, 8 and 6. The 6 year old looks exactly like my oldest son! He acts just like my youngest son! It is very strange to see. It is eeire. I am so sorry for your sonthat lost his fiance and his brother, and the other son that lost his brother. It is awful for them to have to go through Christmas with thiese griefs. I hope and Pray thaat you all can get a little better in 2009. Love Peggy
We have to keep taking those little steps when we can. Not easy though! I\'ll try to do some \"living\" if you will. I\'ve been in the existing catagory too. It\'s a struggle to do much more than that, but we can try! Sending you love and hugs, Cyn
Yes, absolutely it is a start! I am so proud of you for going...and there truly is so much baby stuff out there...stuff we could not have even dream of when our children were little....I was shocked when I started looking for stuff for my grandbabies. I have been living some...it is so much better than the existing...I do some of that too...but I am working to do MORE living...good luck to you...and I am sending a hug to Adam...so tough for such a young guy...Karen
I\'m so happy you went to the shower. Didn\'t it feel good to laugh and smile? I know sometimes you have pose the question to yourself.....despair or hope? Then choose hope to live and not just exist. I know it is a challenge and a choice we have to make each day. Somedays harder than others but hopefully like anything else it will become a habit and the \"living\" days will become easier. Peace and comfort to Adam. Enjoy your four day weekend. I have one too. Yeah! Love to you friend. Robin
It was a step in the right direction going to the baby shower. It is really hard to step out of what we have made out comfy zone. But you did it. Congrads. It takes time and you are open to the idea that you need to do that to live and try to enjoy life again. Your mom is a wise lady. It was good that you were able to \"hear\" her. Take care and have a peaceful day. Tammie