STAYING POSITIVE NOT ENOUGH..
I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO EAT RIGHT AND WALK DAILY,STAY POSITIVE TO GET MYSELF HEALTHY MENTALLY AND PYHISICALLY.I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY AGAIN.BUT WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPY?????MY KIDS MAKE ME HAPPY BUT ITS GETTING HARDER AND HARDER TO HIDE FROM THEM THAT I AM LITTERLY FALLING DEEPER AND DEEPER IN A BLACK HOLE.MY DEPPRESSION AND LONLINESS HAS BEEN MORE THAN I CAN HANDLE...I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ONE TO TURN TO AND I KNOW WHO I DO TALK TO JUST SHUT ME OUT AFTER AWHILE .EVERYONE HAS THIER OWN ISSUES AND NO TIME....I REALLY WISH I COULD GET OUT OF MY SO CALLED MARRIAGE..I LEFT SEVERAL YEARS AGO WHEN MY KIDS WERE SMALL ,I HAD A GREAT JOB AND I WAS STRONGER BACK THEN.I HAD NO ONE TO HELP WITH THE KIDS AND I WAS AFRAID IF I LOST MY JOB I WOULD LOOSE MY KIDS.I JUST WASNT LOOKING AT THE WHOLE PICTURE AND ASSHOLE ENDED UP WALKING BACK THROUGH THE DOOR.HE IS MORE LIKE A BROTHER TO ME AFTER SO MANY YEARS .HE IS AND NEVER HAS BEEN THERE FOR ME.IT SEEMS EVERY YEAR I GET MORE LONELY AND DEPPRESSED. BEFORE MY ACCI DENT I HAD BEEN LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO LIVE AND THEN EVERYTHING WENT TO HELL QUICK..HE WILL NOT LEAVE ,EVEN THOUGH THAT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER SINCE I HAVE A HOUSE FULL OF KIDS AND PETS.HELL, HE HAS HIS CAKE AND EAT IT TO.HE HAS A HOME THAT I TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING COOK,CLEAN,LAUNDRY,BILLS AND HE GOES AND PLAYS WITH HIS BUDDIES AND HAS A FAMILY IF AND WHENEVER HE WANTS THEM.BUT ON A DAILY BASIS HE SAYS HE HATES US ALL...I JUST WISH HE WOULD DISSAPPEAR FROM OUR LIVES AND THEN WE CAN FINALLY BEGIN OURS...HE IS A CRAZY PHYCO WHEN WE LEAVE AND I NO HE WILL COME AFTR US I JUST DONT NO TO WHAT EXTENT HE WILL GO.....I DONT CRE ABOUT ME ANYMORE BUT I COULD NEVER LIVE WITH MYSELF IF HE HARMED ONE OF THE KIDS TO GET BACK AT ME....I HAVE W ORKED SO HARD ALL THESE YEARS TO PROVIDE NICE THINGS AND A NICE HOUSE FOR MY FAMILY BUT IT WILL NEVER BE A HOME UNTIL HE IS GONE.....I AM SO TIRED OF LIVING WELL NOT LIVING MY LIFE LIKE THIS,HE DOESNT DESERVE ANY OF US...EVERYONE IS ALWAYS SO QUICK WITH WELL LEAVE THEN BUT UNTIL U ARE IN MY SHOES YOU WIL NEVER UNDERSTAND....LOOK AT ALL THE WOMAN ON TV EVERYDAY THAT LEFT AND ARE NOW DEAD OR THIER HUSBANDS KILLED THIER KIDS TO GET BACK AT THE WOMAN..DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD HAVE LEFT IF THEY COULD SEE THIER FUTURE...I AM JUST RAMBLING AT THIS POINT AND CRYING SO I BETTER SAY GOOD BY AND HELLO TO MY LONELY EXISTENCE.....
Replies
Hi Tammy, I am really sorry you are going through all of this. I have no idea what you can do to get out of this situation. I think you have many friends here that care about you and what what is best for you and want to listen and help you. You are a really good person. I think it is really good that you are doing a lot for yourself to feel better like eating better and walking. You never mentioned since I have known you that your husband would hurt you so I didn\'t know that was something that could happen and I didn\'t even think leave. Could you possibly just make the best of it like you are doing and just try to be happy in your situation? In every life there is good and bad and the only thing we can do is make the most of it, there will be good and bad days and you should have good days. G-d can help you with this if you ask. Read the bible and seek spiritual help. Keep talking about it here so you don\'t feel alone. Just try to be happy. Even in the Hollocaust people were able to maintain some happiness. There was a man named Victor Frankel who was a Hollocaust survivor, he wrote the book Man Search for Meaning, he was able to survive a horrible circumstance. It is possible. You have to find what makes you happy even when there is bad because in every situation there is going to be bad. Some people may be working in a horrible place, or they don\'t have any support, they feel terrible about themselves, they don\'t have nice parents, they are left out, but in every situation we can find some happiness. There is some joy. So please don\'t feel alone, I am here as well as many other people who care about you and we are glad to listen to you and be here for you. There is hope even in hard situations. Just keep pressing on and we are here for you. Hugs and blessings.