starting to work behind the iconostasis

I spoke with the deaconess yesterday morning and she said

'it's time i start assuming tasks that need to be done.'

So I have started to be a part of the actual ceremonies

of the mass.

I am glad of it. I like it too.

It's funny though, as much as I would like to have a nice

path forward for myself - 

that's not how things go when I am learning.

A friend of mine said "We all muddle through."

We muddle through until things become familiar

and second nature i'm understanding. I am not crazy about it

but it's true. It takes a lot of focus and stamina

to get to that point of flowing with the work,

but I can do it!

I remember when I lived with a friend in

a one bedroom apartment in Georgetown.

We wouldn't keep on top of the housekeeping

so well, until I would bust a gut and freak out and get zany

and clean and get things back into shape. I guess that's

how I deal with disorder as I am remembering and understanding now.

I do more clean as I go now, but ,in any event in terms of any nebulous projects,

I know I have greater resources now - and more cognitive awareness

of what I am doing.

Anyways, just thoughts.

It's useful stuff for me.