starting to look for work again
just started to look for work again.
i researched a local winery for a job, as one
of the lodgers here just started working at one, it gave me the idea to pursue it.
She loves it. She's a host and guide.
it seems like it would be a cool thing - to work
like that -- well maybe not- but I have to say
part of me resists the cool factor in any job - would I be basing my decision
on what's cool or vs. what I actually enjoy -? -at times I just want
a simple uncomplicated exchange for the job -
but then I also know it's kind of not so great to not challenge myself.
Any job will take time to get used to and master. I should factor that in -
as I know the predicted dynamic of a complex job fills me with anxiety -
but I can handle it - a job with practice...I know I can do most things !
I was just downstairs and the real bitchy queenie priest just gave me such attitude, I don’t know if he realizes how miserable he is and makes people. Such an asshole.
I'm realizing in my free time now - how I lick my wounds after
a bad interaction like I just had - through some writing here
and a search for some staples of wisdom?
and I know that I certainly know how to 'design a life' (in the pursuit of job hunting) when it comes
to it........ IF I am not t thinking in terms of what things cost....
Whether it's to sooth my pains or structure my day with activity with flights of fancy clearly it's kind of a delusional way
to deal with life- so I must stay inspired yet smart and grounded.
my plans must
include the pragmatics for what it takes to build that life - but it's also
got to take the reigns of self discipline over temptation and to make it all happen.
I am thinking about both you Rich and also Mary Louise. How you are battling forward
and it really inspires me!
i think it's maybe too easy to say I don't know what to do with myself
and then to think that a legitmate answer is to hangout at a coffee house. Even though
time and money are tight.
I'm not meaning to be judgemental towards myself or anyone - I think I just need to find my inner strength again
and get back to looking for work. Total scrambled eggs brains here.
Again I need to battle temptation - and also move forward on something i like
that's feasible and self supporting and achievable.
I know we all to deal with extending ourselves and getting this done, why impose on others during their struggles too?
Another challenge that I think is a big factor which extends from my condition is successful professional relationships.
I am still in touch with my boss from Malibu - who has said she would give me a letter of recommendation the other day!! (woot!)
I am so grateful!
I'll get on my way.
Sending peace,
Mark
Replies
I think I’m also going to start looking at jobs for things that I have something in common with the folks there and similar interest. All this mental management can make me so singular in outlook that I’m now realizing it’s probably good to go for the mutual experience.
You are expressing in a safe way how others actions are noticed by you and how it affects your well-being. You're reaching out to explore how you want to balance everything. Good for you! Best wishes with everything.
when I think about only my experience I can get crazy competitive - and that's blocking me from
relating to others I have stuff in common with - I think this is a notch in the disorder that I am really
glad I've finally articulated.
thanks Mid!!!
Sounds like there are some complex characters at the monastery. Hope you find a job that you like soon. All the best mate.
Thanks Rich!!
just to add to this - when I have thought about my experience alone - I get perfectionist and competitive
and have no sense of the ability to satisfy my needs or ability to give myself a sensible direction.
I am realizing I want others to have a good experience and that combination of both my experience
and others' experiences - really is helping me stay grounded and in the moment
Good luck finding something that you like sweetie with regards to work
With regards to the priest misery loves company he knows what he's doing!
Deep breaths...Big hug...xo
Thanks Jan!
Markus, I hope you locate a part time job somewhere that gives you your dedicated sense of human fellowship and that sensitive optimism you share in community with others.
I can’t imagine what it must be like to live in community with others you are working alongside. It sounds like a beautiful experience to have in your life, but it seems you are recognizing the need for reaching out in exploration. I admire your willingness to safely explore when something is perhaps not the right fit.
None of us can ever get satisfaction out of life it may seem, which is probably a good thing to always keep us on our toes and striving for small
Improvements. But I do feel we can all reach a point where we will be able to look back and feel blessed for the life we may have lived - and that every moment in the here and now cultivates that future for us when we take careful steps.
Hugs while you sort, mon ami. xo
thanks Nikki!! so appreciate this!! xxoo
The winery job sounds good for human interaction which would probably be good for you. Are you able to communicate with people like that? Any job you decide to do I'm sure, would be good for you. Getting out of the monastery part time seems to be a good idea.. I wish the best for you, Mark.
Thanks Becky!! ((Hug of thanks))))