Starting over..by continuing

Well, I've been kinda bummed about not getting the surgery, and sometimes I still want to cry when I think about the goals I won't be able to complete, but I've come to have a better outlook on it now. I am continuing to diet the way I was in preparing for the surgery. It has been coming off slow, but coming off. I probably won't be able to get to my ideal weight because of the time it will take to get there, and since my heart disease is apparently worsening, I don't know how much time I have. There is one goal that is very important to me-taking my granddaughters to the zoo on their 2nd birthday. (that's in April). That's one goal I fully intend on making. I really want to graduate college too, but that takes second place and, again because of the time it will take, not sure if I will make it. I am resolved, however, to do the best I can to lose weight and get healthy. I have been doing better with my eating. I don't have to fight the cravings as much. I still have problems when food is set in front of me, I feel like I have to clean my plate, but I'm working on that, and also on eating slower, and portion control. Today I made chicken fajitas. I used boneless skinless chicken breast, peppers, onions, lettuce, radishes, a little bit of cheese, fat free ranch, salsa, and one whole wheat tortilla. I tried to eat it slow.This is finals week, so I should get more time when it's over, so I'm going to start a food journal, and adding exercise to my routine. That should help me step up the weight loss.I do feel good that some of my changes are becoming more natural now and newer ones are easier to implement. I'm starting to put more emphasis on health than weight, though weight is directly connected to health, but this way I don't let the scales run my life.