Standing up for myself..

I've been in a lot of one sided relationships in my life. And when I say relationships, it's not just about love, its friendship too. Time and time again I find myself connected to people that only treat me like a friend when it is convenient for them. As much as they say they care about me and are affected by my words, they continue to distance me. This has been happening a lot lately with more than one person, and as much as it sucks, I am not surprised. People look at friendship differently now. We live in a world where most communication is done via the Internet. People are not concerned with face to face communication anymore. The only people who go out of their way to make plans to see others in person are the ones who are their true friends. Back in the day before all of this internet stuff, you had to go out of your way to see people. Now all you have to do is log online and see everything about someone's life. You become a part of their life without ever having to make an effort. 

I've tried to be honest about my feelings in the past. I've tried to tell people that they were hurting my feelings by not keeping in touch. I've tried to express that it hurt my feelings that I see pictures of them going out with people and yet, they can't even deliver a simple hello. I've tried all of this, and unfortunately it ends up just making me feel like an idiot. People will tell you what you want to hear. They will tell you they care about you, and they have just been busy with life. They can tell you their job is hectic or their kids are driving them crazy. What they don't realize is that just like they follow your life, you follow theirs. You know when they go out for brunch or to a show or out drinking. You see how much free time they have and who they hang out with. You see the many opportunities they have for inviting you out. You read all of their status updates. You know the kind of free time they have. It doesn't take much to send a simple "Hi, how are you?" I appreciate the people who, despite their evident hectic lives, think about me, and take the few seconds out of the day to ask me how I am doing. It's so simple, and yet, many fail to realize. It took me a really long time to realize that they don't contact me because they are busy. They don't contact me because they are bombarded by work or school or life.

I am simply not important.

I am not an important part of their life. I am not the person that they want to run to to vent or talk about meaningful stuff, and that's fine. That is completely fine. I understand that completely. I am not a god. I am not this number one person who has to be at the center of everyone's lives. I understand this completely, and I am okay with that idea. What I am NOT okay with, are the people that come around every couple of weeks to "catch up". These are the people who just want details of my life. These are the people who don't actually care about me; they just want to know gossip or make themselves feel better. There are those and the people that only come around when they need someone to vent to. They are my favorite because they can care less about your life or what you go through; they just need you when they don't have anyone else to listen to their pathetic bullshit. 

I have come a long way in the last couple of years and honestly I am starting to accept that people just don't care enough. I am at the age where everyone is so fixated on their own lives and that is okay. I need to stop waiting around for people to be a major part of my life and LIVE MY LIFE!!! Those people will enter my life when the time is right. Right now, my main focus is losing weight and excelling in school. My best friend is my neighbor now which is honestly a godsend. I have my sister who is the best person in the world, and my dad lives a short bus ride away. I may not have everything I want, but I am working towards a life that I desire. I made a promise to myself that I will focus my time and energy on positive things from now on out. If you aren't a positive part of my life then I'm sorry, but I want nothing to do with you. I have so much to focus on in my life, and negativity or one sided relationships is nothing something I want. I may come off as a bitch to most people, but this is something I need to do. No regrets.