SSDD
Felt like writing---not much to say---same old shit---just a different day.
Dreary again outside--cloudy in my heart--Hubs and I still together--but me wishing we're apart.
Tried to do the right thing--for better or worse--vows meant to seal a blessing--instead feeling like a curse.
To love, honor and cherish--in sickness and in health--throughout both good and bad times--with or without wealth.
We vowed to work together--but that did quickly disappear--Big part of it was my fault--never spoke up just did shed tears.
I do like to do for others-- love to help, doing what I could---sharing life's experience --could help a struggling soul feel good.
But as time did go passing by--I noticed a big trend--my hubs did very very little--but my list does never end.
Then there were the kidding words--intended to be funny--but for a wife whose been untouched--quite cruel coming from her honey.
Finally having courage--speaking words so long overdue--I did tell him why I am unhappy--he did seem to have no clue.
You see we are very different--he is quite content--simply going through the motions--for me, too much time's been spent.
Shutting down by all accounts--not even feeling a touch--for me with so much love to give-- has proven to be too much.
Hubs just wants a roommate--a cook, a nurse , a maid--I have done this for so long---too many years I stayed.
Now I am trying hard to hold--to plans I finally make for me--a chance to do , feel what I want--quite simply to be free.
But here we are again--as hubs needs my help once more--I am standing by to be there--just as I've always dne before.
But I will not give up my hopes--of finding once again--someone who truly wants to find-- a very special friend.
Someone who can accept me --good, naughty, and bad--and I could share the same with him--both giving all we had.
And if I would be lucky-- I may find passion and some sex---both things that I have sacrificed ---with my stbx.
Now I stop my writing that I have done today---and do look forward to a change (I can only hope and pray)
Replies
Beautifully written queen. I know what you mean. Reading your soul here, I feel a little tear. Did what you can. Need a better man. Is that too much to ask? To lower your mask.
Tomorrow isn't promised to us so don't you dare give up fighting for what you want AND deserve no matter what!! Sending lots of hugs and love your way!
Hugs.
Where did you learn to write so eloquently? You are very good at taking your feelings and putting them into words. You should keep doing that, even if you don't eventually do anything with it, just keep writing....you never know. I think I just read something from the next F Scott Fitzgerald!
God Bless
Hugs
You write like the Queen you are-
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance Leean Womack
While we are all going through gates in life and climbing these fences- may We have the strength to
D A N C E
<3 <3
Are these things you used to feel?
I wanted to, tried to, but it is not the same if I am the only one really putting forth much effort. I have come to realize what I truly want and am missing. Sadly, for him, these things are not so important.