Spring ....

Its spring my baby boy and I can finally get to you...I thank you for the gift you gave me this winter...so much snow and I couldnt get to you to change the batteries in the solar lights and that bothered me to leave you in the dark, months went by and the snow slowly melted and while I was on the deck looking towards you I could see the glow of the lights just beneath the snow and for a second it caught my breath and I told you mommys here and I didnt forget you...I miss you with all my heart my Giz, I bought you a stone to go in your garden with a solar butterfly on it..I asked you for a butterfly in your garden so I'd know you were okay, butterflies were all around me but none in your garden so I'm giving one to you, I'm better but I have such an emptiness without you in my life and as hard as I try that feeling remains with me, I laugh but to me it feels hollow I just wish I could breath easy, but theres a weight on my shoulders and I'm sorry,and I cant change whats happened , I go thru the motions , am as okay as I can possibly be , but happiness as I once knew will never be again without you, til I see you again , I will plant you flowers and change batteries and now come and sit on the bench and have coffee with you and see your happy sweet little face , I'll write you poetry and place it in your flowers and that will bring me some comfort just as being around you always would when things would go wrong, you were always there with a kiss on the nose for mom when I'd cry....you must owe me a million kisses my baby boy by now ....one day I hope to collect them all !!!