spirits running high
I wrote this email to S and now my spirits are running high and extreme.
I need to keep in my mind the idea that none of us has all the answers - but
that kind of respect for that aspect of our relationships is something that is
helping keep me sane.
This is what I wrote:
hi S.
Things are good. I've had time to relax now after the morning at the market.
Don't know how much I should go into writing to you about my experience.
I want to - but I know others have tons more problems than me and it feels
indulgent and kind of to excess.
But I'll tell you I donated to the https://cawildlife.org/ where I used to volunteer.
It feels so good to have given some. Thank you for the idea!!!
Yesterday I went to dinner at my Family's house - and I really felt so relaxed
and not in any kind of posture of trying to be just so - like what we talked about in
our meeting yesterday - kind of being relaxed and just open. You had said "well being".
I don't always know how to label my feelings and experience - it's like I just don't know what it means
at times.
I was sitting with my sister and then Stepmom and Dad at dinner.
While sitting there it was like I got a view of my own sense of things, like my own personality
and then the personality of my sister and my stepmom and family. It was like I could
see my story and their stories too. I felt the twinge of feeling like my life was lesser - and it was fading into it's foibles - I started to dip sad
but I stopped at that and just continued to try to just relax and be open and happy and joyful..
it helped!
It's strange how that was - like there was a 'right way to be' on the outside that I could relate to and then the way that I am
as well. I can't quite understand it.
Introverts and extraverts?
I've thought about journaling today and how that really helps me to metabolize and make sense of my experience and .... Like my experience is being observed and also
valuable or 'important'. Maybe this is me, giving myself what I need to feel good about myself?? I don't mind! I like it! :)
I was relaxed at work today as well. But I was aware that there is this looming negativity - but I am clear enough to stay on the positive side
and to interact with positivity and believe that - more than the digging negative - but When I left to drive home I felt seriously sick like my mind
was stretched to its limit and my stamina to make the ride home was shot - but I pushed on and then a couple of hours after I got home and a good shower and coffee I regained a sanguine sense
especially because I came online to write a journal.
Writing really helps - I don't know how to express what else I want to express - but it's like
I am seeing what is my own nature - trying to grow - - but not be so self
involved that it has me being disregarding or not empathetic. We all have to filter what we experience
and decide what we focus on. We've all got to know our experience.
I'm a little confused but I guess it's just about taking the pieces I do understand and hold onto them!
Replies
things are better now - just writing this out really helped. I hope you guys are doing good too.
Glad things are good mark. Writing helps me sort things out too. I’ve been that way since I was a young girl writing in my unicorn diary and it has been instrumental in getting me through. Wishing you a peaceful rest of the week.
Thanks Sensitive!