Speaking is healing

Found out I have a sinus infection on top of a bronchitis infection. Good thing is that it is treatable. Fever hit 104 this morning, it's back down to 100.2 now.
Aside from that, there is something that I'd like to talk about. I was having a conversation with someone who said that people don't want a "broken" person. Well that upset me. Lets be real, there is something about everyone that is less than perfect or not up to someone else’s standards. I disagree with this person and spoke my piece while they insisted that broken people aren't worth the effort. Let me tell you something very heart full, I have a huge place for people who are broken. I will put my effort into someone who is down and hopeless because I believe in people. Now, this may serve as a down point for me because I often get stabbed in the back after caring so much for them. I'm very misunderstood and I've been through a lot of things in my life that have torn me down. I am broken, but all the pieces are still here. Now the thing that I will not put up with is when someone cannot admit they are flawed and try to put their blame on someone else. Yes you are flawed but you are amazing because it makes you different. I hate when someone puts me down for being ill and takes my love or mind for granted.
I love someone who is overweight, depressed, has a lot of memory issues, gives up too easy, and hides often. "Broken" is what they are, but still my heart opens and I would love to see that person heal because I believe in them very much so but is their self-worth there? I spend hours researching and trying to help because I understand broken and feel like everyone needs someone to say they believe in them. Lately I've been feeling like the people in my physical world don't believe in me as much as I desire them too. It’s always good to have that one person who out of nowhere can just say "I believe in you". Do you know how much that makes me want to continue to heal when someone says that? The more I break down myself and my flaws, the more I miss this person and regret my actions of cutting and suicide attempts. And if by any chance (and you should know who you are) that you are reading this, I am truly sorry, but I am flawed and have problems that run deep. This doesn't make me "weak", it makes me flesh. I give into temptations that hurt me badly. It doesn’t make my love untrue or any less real. It means I need to find me and heal me again. You make me smile so true, but I've gotten away from me, trying to fight for you when you won't fight for you or respect that I don't want to hurt your body anymore than it already is.
I gave up talking after you stopped listening to my minds worth. Therefore no one gets anywhere. See, I don't mind the "broken" lost and weary, but I need to start making myself happy again. So I need to set goals. The first is moving to my hometown again and getting a job there. I refuse to stay here to be abused, and put down on a daily routine. I became lazy and gave up fighting for me because I'm too busy always trying to please other people. I need to please me because I hate this bitch in the mirror. I hate the way she stares at me with judgment in her eyes. Sometimes I feel like I am healed and I have gotten back to me, but listen to me when I say it takes a team and a line of support to remain strong. I relapse and I get very weak at times and keep going in a circle. I need help to know what triggers my disorders. A kind word once in a while letting you know you did good. I made myself look like a damn fool chasing someone who never once came for me and put effort into me, instead they tried to hide me from everyone which caused a relapse. I would love to spend the rest of my life with this person and god knows, and please forgive me, I need this person to fight for me now more than ever. But I need them to get back to them too. I've made my mistakes but damn you, don't you see how perfect we are with one another when we were both ourselves? You weren't in as much pain and felt some worth. I felt at home. We've both done wrong. We've both given up on ourselves. The difference is that I'm going to make myself proud for once and pray you come to me this time. Broken is beautiful. Scars show we are survivors. Flaws and emotions show we feel.