........splat
After yesterday, it's official...my wings are broken. I paid full penalty for the triple vomiting episode the other day.
I'm in a state and local politics class, and yesterday we were to attempt a map quiz. Can't blame the professor, really...being able to locate the states on a map is something you ought to be able to do if you live here.
There's just one problem...I can't. Not even close, especially the middle of the country. But after having that many vomits on Sunday, there was absolutely no point in trying to study the map one more time; even my parents noticed that my elevator (read: brain) wasn't going anywhere near the top floor. I was Mr. Floaty to the extreme.
It's not helping that I already feel defeated, it took only a week for me to fall behind everywhere, just like last semester. Getting help and having the faith in myself to use it are two different things, and I don't have the latter.
So I got what I deserved: On the map quiz, I was effectively dead. Even with only a target of 25 states -- with a bonus that would have carried over to exam #1 with anything over that -- I had no chance. I couldn't finish New England, my own region, and outside of very obvious ones (Texas, Florida, California), I had no clue.
I ended up crashing out at 17, which, even I got all of those right, translates to a right dreadful result at 4 points a throw. I'm as stupid as I thought I was.
This leads to a whole bunch of conclusions:
1) Still regretting that blown opportunity to attend a stress management workshop last year...and have no hope of ever getting another chance to go to it. Since I can't take it on the fly, there's no reason to believe I can handle it at home.
2) Getting the impression that my heart has given up already. I couldn't talk it into keeping fighting last semester, so how the (expletive) am I going to talk in into fighting now?
3) Hiding episodes are only going to make this worse, but right now the odds of a repeat performance of last Thursday are better than 50-50, my defenses are just gone right now.
I'm in a state and local politics class, and yesterday we were to attempt a map quiz. Can't blame the professor, really...being able to locate the states on a map is something you ought to be able to do if you live here.
There's just one problem...I can't. Not even close, especially the middle of the country. But after having that many vomits on Sunday, there was absolutely no point in trying to study the map one more time; even my parents noticed that my elevator (read: brain) wasn't going anywhere near the top floor. I was Mr. Floaty to the extreme.
It's not helping that I already feel defeated, it took only a week for me to fall behind everywhere, just like last semester. Getting help and having the faith in myself to use it are two different things, and I don't have the latter.
So I got what I deserved: On the map quiz, I was effectively dead. Even with only a target of 25 states -- with a bonus that would have carried over to exam #1 with anything over that -- I had no chance. I couldn't finish New England, my own region, and outside of very obvious ones (Texas, Florida, California), I had no clue.
I ended up crashing out at 17, which, even I got all of those right, translates to a right dreadful result at 4 points a throw. I'm as stupid as I thought I was.
This leads to a whole bunch of conclusions:
1) Still regretting that blown opportunity to attend a stress management workshop last year...and have no hope of ever getting another chance to go to it. Since I can't take it on the fly, there's no reason to believe I can handle it at home.
2) Getting the impression that my heart has given up already. I couldn't talk it into keeping fighting last semester, so how the (expletive) am I going to talk in into fighting now?
3) Hiding episodes are only going to make this worse, but right now the odds of a repeat performance of last Thursday are better than 50-50, my defenses are just gone right now.
Replies
I really am sorry that things are this hard :( have you ever tried yelling at yourself? Now, I know that we always talk on the boards about NOT beating ourselves up. That\'s not what I mean. I mean like a pep talk, like before a big game. Tell yourself how smart you are, how capable, and how you\'re going to kick the crap out of any test, or whatever you\'re faced with. I\'ve had to do that many times, and sometimes it has actually worked :)