sorting through some stuff
I went to work this morning. things went well.
i was thinking about a new idea - that along with the need to be 'self responsible'
but i also ought to give myself some 'self compassion.'
i was determined to do a good job today - and as I went along
i found myself tempted to get a little lazy - but I determined to keep
on keeping on - with the good standard.
I also knew as I worked that (and my mind worked away at me with this listening
to my own paranoia that twisted potential scoffs at my work)
I knew I'd like to do something else but then I also caught myself
as I knew too that this job I am lucky to have - and maybe that someone
who has mental health challenges like me have jobs like this - acceptance? attempt at
appreciation?
I know I am lucky to have the job - as I worked my mind also worked
away at me, twisting my perspective - like getting me to try on new perspectives
which is a kind of harassment - I don't know why I need to do that - but it changes me
and then I feel different around my coworkers. But I kept just putting the best face on it
and didn't react -
Anyways I came home with a definite humility - feeling like I need to frame
my current work into seeing it as something I CAN do...
It's definitely a point of confusion for me - I don't know why I have to be tortured by
my thoughts -I came home and just feel like I have to read the standard here at home
as my standard - as something affirming - humble and non esteemable...
but maybe I can just be proud of how far I've come and feel good about that..
For how it's been in the past - I am grateful and I know I am still on a positive path
and though I feel creepy at times (so twisted) I know I am better off listening
to the good things.
thanks and peace !!
Replies
Giving yourself some compassion is the responsible thing to do. How can you give the world compassion if you have none to give? Self-compassion replenishes the supply available to give away. The world needs all the compassion it can get.
We could use more work ethics, too. Compassionate ones. . . Keep the standards.
Thanks Arfie xo
Keep on being kind to you. It is working, writing it out, sorting out and finding the positive!
Thanks Mid!
Thanks for reminding me how blessed I am to have a job. A few years ago I couldn't even work because of my illness, now I work 16 hours a week and have good bosses and nice people to work with.
Markus, I think it’s easy for life circumstance to get us wrapped up in our heads to a point of beating ourselves up and beating up our own worth on the job. You gotta be kind to yourself.
As for being creepy, I think more humanoids have creepy natures than one might realize. I won’t go into why I make this statement bc it doesn’t matter. But among the creeps there is sincerity to be found.
Problems tend to get blown up into Mt Everest proportions if we let them get that way. Whereas an archeologist finds a hunk of junk in the ground and spends years excavating it with precision and care and it connects other humans to previously unknown information. Nerdy analogy but my dream job would be an archeologist.
Mental health issues are pretty rampant, even more so now in pandemic days, and I’ve gotten involved in little ways in my city. There are a lot of people speaking up and it’s getting better. Which I find sincerely optimistic because along with that comes universal humility.
You survived another work day, so did I. Superheroes if you ask me!
Thanks Becky! Thanks Nikki!