sorting feelings
at a certain point it does, my decisions and evaluations to get to that point,
have to be about your feelings.
i have so parsed feelings and relationships because in healing
i felt the very thing I was not present to were the relationships
around me. And so I questioned my feelings to the point of denying
them -
perhaps how we grow up also informs about the rationality or
the ethic or the virtue with which we evaluate relationships
I just had a phone text relay with my sister
and I apologized for being hyper and she said nothing in response.
I thanked her for her help and again nothing.
I love her but it makes me think that the kind of monolithic
definition towards the relationship she has with me
makes me think - I don't want to be a part of a relationship
that doesn't value me - But she did just do me a huge favor -
she just wasn't happy about doing it I guess? Or I can't even
ascribe that?
It just makes me wonder if I could make it out there - outside of the monastery.
I've been thinking today that it's time for me to leave here, but again
everywhere you go, there will be compromise and complication.
Replies
Texting can be hard at times as you don't hear tones of voice nor see facial expressions
Maybe the next time talk as opposed to texting?? Perhaps? If you feel uncertain with your sister
Some people aren't comfortable discussing 'feelings' at all so they avoid the discussions
Big hug sweetie...Maybe her doing you a 'big favour' is her way of letting you know how much she cares
I hope that it is...xo
i think you're spot on Janet!