Son drunk again 4 a/m/ Thurs March 18, 2015
Well, my son is the reason i am up at this hour. I dont even know where to start. He hadnt been drinking for a long time cause he was hanging w/ his best friend who doesnt anymore, and so he went out Mon his b day, and he got shit faced, then he wrote on facebook that that is why he doesnt do that anymore. He is a real ass after a certan point in the driking, and he laughs like a hyina, like he is crazy, but wont talk at all when sober, very shy. but this day one of his FRIENDS came over very early and took him out drinking all day and night, on him. Then they all came back here, and they were loud, and then the guys started fighting, my son thinks he knows everything wene drunk. I am really freaking out. The chick is having panic attacks in sons room and i want them OUT... His sis says that she has them realy but that she is playing now cause THEY HAVE NOWERE TO GO, AND IT AINT HERE. I dont ever want them to be together again cause my son is a mess and so is this couple and his sister was so nice about it but they wont leave, i cant call the cop's i WONT. I wish my son would at least admit that he has prob's, but he wont, he thinks its everyone else but not him. And he is a gentle sole untill he drinks, then he is ussually just stupid, but its got to a REAL BAD POINT AND I FEEL LIKE IM LOOSING HIM. I have allways had prob's with him ALWAYS. He is not evil or spitefull and he is not happy, he has nothing, no job , no car , no girl, and i have been an enabeler for so long i dont know how not too. More later after i tell them again to please leave.....
Replies
I really feel for you Gimmestrength. I know what it\'s like being a parent and becoming an enabler happens so easy we don\'t even notice it. Yet, you know... when I listen to what you have to say it\'s as if what\'s shining through is that you already know you have to stop. For your own sake - but also for his. Tell him after he\'s sobered up and all this is pass in a calm way that you will not accept this anymore. Remind him that you asked him and his friends to leave repeatedly during that horrible night and that you and his sister have the right to rest. Tell him kindly but decisively that you will not open the door and let him in next time he comes home with friends like this. And then stick to your guns. I see how it\'s hard to physically throw grown boys out and you don\'t want to call the cops on your own kid. But I get a strong feeling you need to set boundaries, both for him and for you. Some people don\'t grow up and start taking responsibility unless they have to. Maybe he needs that push. It\'s a push of love. Tell him you are always there for him when he is sober but that you have to draw a line and will not accept to be used this way by him anymore. And then stick to it!! Making a decision like that is the hardest thing. I believe that\'s why we often scream and holler when we are angry at our loved ones. We\'re feeling helpless and hopeless about the situation as long as we haven\'t decided what our own next step is, as long as we haven\'t made up our minds to protect ourselves. We are angry as hell but we cave in, in the name of love. But actually it is more loving toward ourselves and toward those who abuse our kindness to make up our minds and draw a firm line. I always find it funny how calm I can be when I\'ve made up my mind. No need for explosions and venting anger when I know where I stand and dare to set my boundaries. Good luck to you!! I believe you\'re ready for this step :)
Thank you so much for your kind and understanding words, i have been this way ever since i had my son\'s. The sister in my story was the friends sister and he had his girlfriend with him allso. I know it was confusing, i was so upset that im surprised i could write at all. I was only 15 yrs old wene i had my first son in 1976, Got kicked out of school, i was contaigis i guess, no they told me as much, i was and still am single, no father for either of them, but i was going to do it all, i was SO WRONG. My mother then was killed by a drunk driver, never even saw my youngest. It was a different time back then. Then my stepfather kicked me and my sons out wene he married my second and i say this gagging, stepmother, never were they. I worked so hard sometimes 2 jobs just to make it so i wasnt there as much as needed. There are so many other things i did, used to drink HEAVY. I allways said and did put my kids before a man. I lost a lot of b.f. because my kids were so bad, and looking back at least one of them really wanted to help, and i said dont you touch my children and i allways made and still do make excuses for my youngest, he is such a mess and his teeth are SO BAD and there is no clinics or free dental at least in my state, so that hampers everything, he is in constant pain, etc. He has such low self asteem just like me wene i was young, he is the most like me of the 2 of them. That is sad cause i was a WILD CHILD. I allways ran away allot cause i was scared to go home if i was late or in trouble. I allways said that my kids would never have to be afraid to tell me anything and i wanted to be THERE FRIEND. Never got that balance or respect because i didnt demand it then like my poor mother before me at some point they wore me down and it was down hill from there. Now i have a man child 31 yrs old on my hands and yes i do not know how to stop, its allways been part of my life then i get guilty cause i wasnt a good mom. I could go on and on and on. I wish there was a group for people like me. Wonder if there is? OK enough, just wanted to thank you so much. I love this site cause i really need it. thanks again. I am a good listener also if you ever want to vent or anything. OK never know how to stop typing so i will say thanks again and THE END...