somewhere in between.....

somewhere in between ......the spam calls, the suspected fraudulent calls.......the unavailable calls, the fake name calls and the political calls.......and don't let me forget to exclude the random mortgage, crematorium and funeral home calls  every once in a while a gem slides through.......

i listen to the message......and hear a familiar voice,"Hey Tex, it's Peaches"......How are you girl?"  It's been a while, did I tell you that we moved to Loganville........what's going on with you?"

I listened, smiled, hit save and then around 4 am two days later I remembered that Chris had called.  I grabbed my bedside notebook and wrote call Chris in big wonky script right then sitting in the dark.

Which led to a trip upstairs.  No connection, just more thoughts tumbling in......like which rug would look right in front of the sofa?  While I'm up there I need to grab a lamp and a couple of throws.......oh yeah, don't forget the pretty inbox to stash unopened mail in.  And so I went up and realized the stairs & the upstairs needs dusting and vacuuming.......oh my goodness.  More to put on the list of honey dos........I don't think the stairs have been vacuumed in a year.  Please remember that I rarely go up there, so there's not a lot of active foot traffic on the stairs, but still....my bad! 

And then I get a glass of juice and wonder where an extension cord might be hiding........that lamp needs a little more length. 

Chris........such a nice lady.  We worked together for 21 years......in different locations, but spoke frequently.  I hadn't been there long when her grandson passed away.  I went to pay my respects and I saw a special light come into her eyes.  The lesson of the value of showing up rang loud and clear.......something my Dad told me held importance. 

That light ........I don't know if it was the new seed of friendship or that I was someone newer in her life and perhaps that made it a little easier to lean on me or reach out to me......but she took my arm and we strolled through the cemetary like two girls........she talked about how special her grandson was.......how hard it is to outlive loved ones........why had God taken him home when he was so young........she thanked me for coming, she mentioned that it hurt that some of her co workers didn't.......the light turned inward and I saw the hurt......that feeling of rejection.  I liked Chris, it was that simple.  She has this feeling about her that you've come home........she is kind and thoughtful and she will surprise you with unexpectedly great jokes.  I am a terrible joke teller so when I hear great comedic timing I feel extra appreciative.  She made me stop dead in my tracks the first time she told me a joke......she is an elegant well put together lady.........hair just so.....well manicured, color coordinated, soft spoken, but inside that southern magnolia is some of that famous steel.  and grit.  and an adorable sense of fun.........she's the girl you would never suspect of ever having skinny dipped. if she ever did no one will ever know...........but the very idea somehow makes me glad that all women have their secrets.  it's makes us more interesting........life should be well lived....lived in, life would be incomplete without some chaos and mess. 

my dad also told me to "bend at the knees"........his way of telling me to be flexible.......not every size fits all.......don't judge a book by it's cover......dad.  he was a good kind of guy.......decent and hardworking and funny too.

another person who could tell a great joke.  Chris liked to call me to tell me her troubles.......and share a tidbit of gossip now and again. nothing too scandalous, just little things that bugged her.......i was this nonjudgemental voice on the other end of the line.....a safe place to let things out.  Chris was the lady at our events who ran the selling of our textbooks. She had a great following.......she understood the challenges the energy engineers faced......she listened, she helped, she advised and this patient anti hard sell method of hers, which came to her as naturally as breathing in and out made her essential to the success of our company.  Her lack of artifice and the way she cared about these folks, our members was extraordinary.  Some people couldn't see or value her magic.......I feel sorry for the ones that could not see.  She is an amazing lady. 

She used to call sometimes to tell me she couldn't believe that she hadn't killed her husband yet.  He constantly bought and sold cars, sometimes the very car she was driving........he was a mess, her Horace.  They were devoted to each other, she complained that if if wasn't for her Horace would keep his socks in the frig and the milk in his dresser drawer.  That sometimes men are no more than tall little boys.........but she adored him.  And he her........  He loved to wheel and deal, he loved "fine automobiles" as he called them. 

Somewhere along the way she won the lottery........I've always wondered if it was a big win..........she worked way past the usual retirement age.  She was still there in her early 80's.......when she left it broke her heart......she felt pushed out, pushed aside.........but in truth she was much loved and everyone felt that she had earned time in the sun.  But Chris isn't that kind of girl......she likes to be needed, she enjoys being needed and the value she brings with her hard work. 

It's 7:17 am.......still dark out, when does the time change?  Hmmmm.  Today is lunch and cards at Ginny's.  I'm bringing snacks, I have pretzels, goldfish crackers, honey roasted peanuts and fun bars, a nod to Halloween.  I wanted to put the salty snacks with the peanuts but then I thought no........somebody might be allergic .......so I have them in a separate container.  Better safe than sorry.

Ginny is making baked ziti with italian sausage.  Annette and Carol Lynne are bringing salad and bread.  And if I know Ginny she'll have a small glass jar of happy juice.........which cracks me up.  We each have our inch and a half of spirits and pretend we're living large for a minute or five. 

We call ourselves the golden girls........a nod to that famous group of girls living in Miami........maybe now I can fall back asleep.  My eyes are too dry, I think it's time to visit an opthalmologist.  I did a search yesterday and think I may have found one in Bethlehem, GA.  Wish me luck........one clinic had no opthalmoligist on staff, the next one is remodeling their only close to me location and do I want to make an appointment for January.  I said if you needed to see a doctor for a health issue now would you wait 9 to 11 weeks? So she shares some of the other locations, each one is well over an hour plus each way.  I tell her that would be problematic for me.  I share why.......she is as disinterested as a person can be.  She says well if you're not interested in these other  locations I don't know what to tell you.....

So I got on my say what podium.......I said in my quiet but firm voice........I have shared that I have difficulty driving beyond a certain amount of miles, that its an energy and pain issue not to mention that I can get turned around and lost going to areas I am unfamiliar with........so it's not that I have a pronounced disinterest it's that you do not understand some of the challenges of your aging potential clients.  After I hung up I see that they have a location that may only be 30 to 40 minutes each way but there is no way I want to call Miss Central Disinterested Call Back Center......which sounds pretty stupid to me even in stubborn mode.....but there it is.......so I keep looking and find an opthamologist in Bethlehem......and think I should take my Christmas cards to the Bethlehem post office this year.  If I can find my Christmas cards......if I have the energy to do Christmas cards........if, if, if......for now I just need to try to see the eye doctor......not sure if it's a worsening of dry eyes.......if it's due to the Sjogren's Syndrome or the hydroxychloroquine I take for the Sjogren's......or a combination of all three.  But the other problem is that even with my new glasses something is off with my vision.  When I read it feels like my sight is kind of jumpy........off, not correct.  It's well worth it to protect the visio...........well well worth it. 

Ok a decision is made, my resolve strengthened.........I'm going to lay down and try to manage a two hour nap.  At least..........later!