sometimes i feel like a little yappy pup!

from the bottom of my heart.......thank you for your kind support.

i can feel the prednisone losing it's grip on my body and on my emotions.  rough stuff indeed.

had a good talk with my daughter, we agree that i should do something about what happened at the rheumy after i'm set up with a new doc and feel good about it.  delaying things a bit as she holds so much power.  i read some articles about patients who got blacklisted so i want to move forward with caution.

still not sure if i will keep my end of november appt or not.  i don't want to see her by myself.  this doctor treated my daughter badly as well......a recent appt that didn't go well.  the doc talked and talked about a long list of illnesses......sara felt very confused.  i know what sara means cause this is what she does with me.  sara asked a question and the doc got testy........sara tried again and the doc got mean/snotty/rude.  i've known this doctor a very long time, since 1997.  a long long time.  i don't know when she turned into a tyrant, it makes me very sad.  she is a brilliant doctor......she was anyway.  she is very smart, but so scattered and the mean bullying behavior with patients is not ok.  at all. 

lisa, the r.n. comes monday around noon to administer the iv.  the meds are in the frig, the paperwork and supplies are in a big fat envelope on the kitchen table.  i know there is stuff i'm supposed to do in that big fat packet of stuff........i feel intimidated.  maybe sam will help me a little? if not, maybe the nurse?  maybe i will grow up and figure it out?  something has to happen at some point. 

there are a half dozen bags of trash in my garage........"ruh roh reorge".  (remember the dog on the Jetson's, Astro?) sam will help. 

i feel less angry, less scared than i was feeling.  the appointment at the pain clinic was meh........he may have some newer meds not previously tried on people like me.....i have little hope and i hate the vibe at the pain clinic.  they treat people nicely even as they make you fill out questionairres about drug abuse and other negative things associated with pain meds.  it makes me so uncomfortable, my problem is not abusing drugs.  my problem is that drugs abuse me.  sigh. 

but seriously......they sent me out of their clinic (while waiting) to use the bathroom.....then later when they wanted a urine sample they magically now had a bathroom in their space for me to use.  i guess they have to have guidelines/protocols, but do they really think that drug abusers are going to provide them with the truth and nothing but the truth if their intent is to pull the wool over their eyes?  seems like the urine is the way to truth in this situation. 

i'm supposed to return next friday.  at that point the doc will have now gotten and reviewed my med records.....and see what to do next.  i feel like i paid them $45 to give them a urine sample, and the next visit is just another part of the wait, here's another $45......and then wait some more to see what comes in the mail from the online pharmacy that will in all likely hood make me sick in one way or another.  here i am grousing again. no pain reduction since early spring, but now i get to wait another couple of weeks.  can't imagine why i still have anger in my pipes making steam coming outta my ears.

let it go lady.  or don't and break some plates!  i'm too tired to really be mad.......i'm just frustrated ya know?  the inefficiency of it all .......i hope to hear from dr. dold's practice soon.  wow, i have got to go to bed.  i need to change the times on the bedroom clocks and lock things up tight!  take care, soft hugs, pleasant dreams.  love, ruthie