something I learned today

while going through my day, i tried to keep focused on the task in front of me

but inevitably I suppose due to fatigue or even a creative mind -

my perspective was shifted to 'outside of me' to a broad perspective and unknowing - and it created

the need to metabolize the new experience and then the need to come back to the task at hand

and it's kind of like that in life I think - during the day no matter what we're doing - - with relationships too - we have loyal, loving

relationships and then individually we have experiences existentially and independently

that give us a new take on life. We then grow and reconcile that to the relationship we're coming back to - not always

an extreme thing - but just there's kind of that nature to things.

here at the monastery today - I kind of realized again...like i think I said in the last journals -

that sometimes relationships hurt and then we have to be self responsible with our feelings

and come back to those same relationships to continue on with life and work together...

and even tonight I realized that I am kind of on that edge of tension and agression after all this growth today 

but still responsible for my role in the duties here as well as also when I'm around these loyal life sharing relationships - the tension makes me feel fortified to just deal 

with both the hurt and the loving sides of things - I feel like I have become a better athlete,

trained well now. I've come back to my room now - to the love of my life Blue - he's soft

and lovely - in truth it's a shift in gears - but i know both sides to him too - and it really is

time to give him his due - he waits for me - and I rely on him. Love him so much!