Something different
I know that I was going for the MD in my education to become a real doctor, but the sciences seem to be overwhelming me and I think that the better option for me would be to move to a BA in Psychology and then go to grad school and get a PhD in psychology and begin practicing clinical psychology. If I became a psychiatrist I would not be practicing real medicine, just have the ability to write prescriptions after many years of school and residency. This way I can start practicing psychology within the next five or six years and be doing something that I hopefully love. I love it now and I hope I can pull it off in school. I thin that I am struggling. In Biology I am not understanding and comprehending the material as I should be. In neuroscience I think that I am getting the material but I am unable to express all of my knowledge in a simple test.
I am having more panic attacks than usual and I can't find the trigger, which I am usually able to find. I am not saying that I am getting depressed but I am having some depression symptoms. I don't want to change my medication but when I meet with my doctor next week I may have to change something. I just feel fatigued, easily exhausted, hopeless, frustrated and mostly scared and alone. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to keep motivating myself and I don't know how to study for these tests correctly. I really want to talk more in my journal like I used to but I don't seem to have the time to do it anymore.
Luke went for his job to NY last week and loved it. He will be back in Denver in November for a while prior to moving to NY for good for his new farming job. I ham happy for him. He needs to have more of an open mind though. He was criticizing me for needing to take out loans for my med-school bills. I guess now I just need to worry about my grad school bills, lol.
I can't wait to talk to my psychiatrist next Friday, she has so much information and loves her job so I think that she is a good outlet to ask questions and get real answers. This time I am going to ask her about becoming a psychologist. And, maybe a medication change. What about adoral? I wonder if that would allow me to function better, but on the other hand it may not do so well with my depression and bipolar disorder. I don't want to get manic and then crash, but I don't want to fail now and I also don't want crash like I have in the past when I have "over done it." I think that things should be fine. It is not really fun not talking to or being with friends, but there are sacrifices that I need to make to get ahead. I need and want to get ahead. I need to show everyone what I can do and who I can be. I've got to go do some laundry.
Goodnight moon.
I am having more panic attacks than usual and I can't find the trigger, which I am usually able to find. I am not saying that I am getting depressed but I am having some depression symptoms. I don't want to change my medication but when I meet with my doctor next week I may have to change something. I just feel fatigued, easily exhausted, hopeless, frustrated and mostly scared and alone. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to keep motivating myself and I don't know how to study for these tests correctly. I really want to talk more in my journal like I used to but I don't seem to have the time to do it anymore.
Luke went for his job to NY last week and loved it. He will be back in Denver in November for a while prior to moving to NY for good for his new farming job. I ham happy for him. He needs to have more of an open mind though. He was criticizing me for needing to take out loans for my med-school bills. I guess now I just need to worry about my grad school bills, lol.
I can't wait to talk to my psychiatrist next Friday, she has so much information and loves her job so I think that she is a good outlet to ask questions and get real answers. This time I am going to ask her about becoming a psychologist. And, maybe a medication change. What about adoral? I wonder if that would allow me to function better, but on the other hand it may not do so well with my depression and bipolar disorder. I don't want to get manic and then crash, but I don't want to fail now and I also don't want crash like I have in the past when I have "over done it." I think that things should be fine. It is not really fun not talking to or being with friends, but there are sacrifices that I need to make to get ahead. I need and want to get ahead. I need to show everyone what I can do and who I can be. I've got to go do some laundry.
Goodnight moon.
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