Someone please explain to me...
I am very frustrated with DD31 right now, so if someone could please explain to me WHY she did this, I would love to know.
Sooo...last week I texted her asking her if she wanted to Skype on Sunday. She responded, "Sounds great". So, I texted her back asking her if our usual time was ok (she lives in Maui, so is 5 hours behind me) and never heard from her again. I texted her yesterday asking her if we were going to Skype and...nothing.
If anyone could help me understand the logic of ignoring someone like this, I'd love to hear it. My DD27 is NOTORIOUS, so have just come to expect it of her (as horrible as that sounds), but THIS is someone over 30! Is this ok amongst the younger generation? I find it totally rude and inconsiderate, but can't say this to my children or it pushes them away. So, what's the deal? Rude and inconsiderate is the norm these days??
Needless to say, I didn't even TELL dh we were going to Skype until Saturday and his immediate response was, "She'll probably blow you off." And this is just another reason dh isn't fond of my kids. He hears from HIS DS32 every Sunday, but I feel like with MY kids, I row the boat alone...always having to be the one to reach out and say, "Hey...let's Skype" or "Let's do dinner." sigh Just once, I'd love to for one of my kids to reach out and ask ME to do something. :(
Sooo...last week I texted her asking her if she wanted to Skype on Sunday. She responded, "Sounds great". So, I texted her back asking her if our usual time was ok (she lives in Maui, so is 5 hours behind me) and never heard from her again. I texted her yesterday asking her if we were going to Skype and...nothing.
If anyone could help me understand the logic of ignoring someone like this, I'd love to hear it. My DD27 is NOTORIOUS, so have just come to expect it of her (as horrible as that sounds), but THIS is someone over 30! Is this ok amongst the younger generation? I find it totally rude and inconsiderate, but can't say this to my children or it pushes them away. So, what's the deal? Rude and inconsiderate is the norm these days??
Needless to say, I didn't even TELL dh we were going to Skype until Saturday and his immediate response was, "She'll probably blow you off." And this is just another reason dh isn't fond of my kids. He hears from HIS DS32 every Sunday, but I feel like with MY kids, I row the boat alone...always having to be the one to reach out and say, "Hey...let's Skype" or "Let's do dinner." sigh Just once, I'd love to for one of my kids to reach out and ask ME to do something. :(
Replies
Totally feel your frustration! Although my DD29 is actually pretty responsive when I initiate (she\'s my former ED so I see progress). But, DD27 is much less responsible. She uses the time difference and her busy life as an excuse but it kinda gripes me sometimes because I\'m busy too yet find the time to reach out.
I know that you, like me, will continue to do what you\'re doing even if it\'s not the way you feel,it should be. I do wonder if the younger generation just had an inherent lack of common courtesy.
The only answer I have for you is to stop reaching out. Have no expectations and just hope for the best to come out of them. Id also call and leave your daughter a voicemail explaining how disappointed and hurt you were that she couldnt even respond to let you know if the time was good or not. Not to make her feel badly, but to let her know that her actions or inaction affected you that way.
Then, just stop trying to reach out to them and let them make the first move. It may take a bit of time, but Im sure they will come around and in the meantime, you wont be disappointed that they are not able to make whatever your trying to plan. Enjoy your husband and forget about the kids for a while.
Excellent idea KRK. Will do! I\'m not going to bother leaving a voicemail though. DD31 is coming home in about a month. I know my kids...if I tell them something they\'ve done hurts me, it only pushes them away. Moms aren\'t allowed to have feelings apparently.
Well since your not going to be the one reaching out to them, I\'d her anyway - they are old enough to know that things hurt other people even Mom\'s and if that pushes them away, you won\'t know the difference anyway and eventually, trust me, those girls are going to miss their Mom and will reach out to you. I\'m curious as to how long it takes. :) sending all the support I can muster!
Thanks for the support, KRK! Last time I did this, it was with DD29 and it took her 2 months to call and tell ME that \"relationships are a 2-way street\"! lol (That\'s always been MY line!) It\'s DD31 and DD27 that I would never hear from unless they either have something to tell me or they need something. I admit...I envy mothers who have really close relationships with their daughters. You know...the ones who talk on the phone weekly, if not daily. :( My sister and her daughters are like this and yes...I envy her.
I feel that this lack of consideration is now commonplace in todays youth. In fact, I have read so many articles on this new generation and how they are very self-serving and unaware of other peoples feelings a lot in part due to the fact that they have grown up on the internet.
This is NOT ok. But it is a fact of life. Sad as it is. Although she didnt contact you, I really dont think it is, in her mind, a big deal. Thats just the way they are today.
But trying not to contact her for awhile would be an interesting experiment. I imagine it may take a few months..but your point would be made. I know it is so hard for you to do this...but as you said, this should be a two-way street and she is old enough to know better.
Hoping that she contacts you soon as this would be a pleasant surprise. But my friend...if she doesnt, please dont feel that she doesnt care about you...she does. Its just this generation that does this stuff.
Well if she says that again, just say Yes, why yes they are - your learning daughter of mine!