Someone in need
I have been getting e-mails from a young girl (my daughter's age) that is depressed. I have tried calling her and left my number but we haven't talked yet. She made a comment in a note about not knowing how much longer she can take it. Oh, it just makes me sick at my stomach. I know what I should do...recommend a hotline, see a doctor, etc. I just don't know what to do about her. I want to help, yet again I am totally helpless...she has to want help to get it. I can be a shoulder to cry on, but I am not qualified to give her professional help...But you know what??? My daughter sought help, doctors, therapists, medications and nothing helped for long anyway.
I have been a big crybaby all week anyway. I am an emotional person by nature, so it really didn't phase me. Then yesterday my period started. I can't put into words how angry that makes me. I turned 45 last week, my eggs are old and useless, yet my body keeps putting me through this nonsense. It's funny now, but at the time my first thought was "Someone is gonna hear about this." Like I was gonna send someone a strongly worded e-mail of complaint. Who the heck am I gonna complain to???
I wish I had had Cassi cremated so I could have her remains with me at all times and so I could have the vial with ashes on a necklace like some people have. She was just so beautiful, I was repulsed by the idea when I was asked about it, that week. I don't want to go back through the whole story, but I do have a towel with bloodstains on it that I collected that day. They wouldn't let me see her and I just couldn't believe it was true so I demanded to be taken to where it happened...for some reason I wanted to save that precious blood...the blood that Steve and I created together, anyway...maybe I could take the towel and have a portion somehow preserved I a necklace vial. I just don't know where to do it. Does anyone have any ideas???
Also, I want to have Cassi's tee-shirts made into a quilt. My mother quilts and has offered to do it but she is elderly and I really want it done perfectly, or as close as possible, I may even have it framed. Any ideas of someone in the southeast that is a good seamstress???
I have been a big crybaby all week anyway. I am an emotional person by nature, so it really didn't phase me. Then yesterday my period started. I can't put into words how angry that makes me. I turned 45 last week, my eggs are old and useless, yet my body keeps putting me through this nonsense. It's funny now, but at the time my first thought was "Someone is gonna hear about this." Like I was gonna send someone a strongly worded e-mail of complaint. Who the heck am I gonna complain to???
I wish I had had Cassi cremated so I could have her remains with me at all times and so I could have the vial with ashes on a necklace like some people have. She was just so beautiful, I was repulsed by the idea when I was asked about it, that week. I don't want to go back through the whole story, but I do have a towel with bloodstains on it that I collected that day. They wouldn't let me see her and I just couldn't believe it was true so I demanded to be taken to where it happened...for some reason I wanted to save that precious blood...the blood that Steve and I created together, anyway...maybe I could take the towel and have a portion somehow preserved I a necklace vial. I just don't know where to do it. Does anyone have any ideas???
Also, I want to have Cassi's tee-shirts made into a quilt. My mother quilts and has offered to do it but she is elderly and I really want it done perfectly, or as close as possible, I may even have it framed. Any ideas of someone in the southeast that is a good seamstress???
Replies
OK, I think this may be the situation you called me about....sorry I missed your call. Here are my two cents worth....
I can\'t begin to imagine everything you\'re feeling and what you\'ve been through....it wasn\'t my experience. BUT, what I \"think\" I need to tell you is do not take on responsibilities that are not yours. Just because Cassi\'s human experience ended as and when it did, you are not an expert and are not responsible for others. It\'s a HARD thing for us moms to accept that we simply could not (and in my current situation still cannot) save anyone. NO ONE. Not one single person can we save, except for ourselves.
You must not allow guilt or sadness or grief or anything else to cause you to feel obligated to this young woman. I know that may sound harsh to some, and uncaring, and I\'m sorry if anyone sees it that way. But truth is, we can offer help (which does NOT hurt us physically and emotionally and financially) but the choice to get help is up to the individual.
My opinion is to tell this young girl that you do care, but simply are not equipped to offer the help she obviously needs and for your own sanity, peace, healing (whatever fits) you cannot continue the emails. They simply take a toll on you and deplete your energy which is needed for your own healing.
We must take care of ourselves first if we ever hope to help anyone else. And this young woman must want help badly enough to seek it out from professionals and must care enough about YOU to understand why you need some space from the pain, fear, drama, whatever, of her situation.
Not meaning to volunteer her, but I packed up Kala\'s clothes and sent them to NoraMc and she made a BEAUTIFUL quilt from them. It\'s one of the greatest gifts ever. It is a treasure I adore and am still finding new joys....i.e. one of the squares is from a t-shirt Kala had gotten at Calypso Resort!! And I haven\'t shared this, but on Thanksgiving I wore what I though was a bracelet from her school (she has one that says WARRIORS, and I though this was just another one). Turns out it was one of the beach/pool bracelets she had gotten from her trip to PCB from Calypso Resort!! : )
So anyway my sweet, compassionate friend....do what works for your best good and healing, offering advice and encouragement as you\'re able, and let this young woman find her own way. Whether she does so earth side or on the other side....
PS....I\'m 52 and that bitch \"aunt flo\" still insists on monthly visits!! Let me know who to send an email to and you can bet they\'ll get a tongue lashing from me too! LOL!
There is not anything that I can add, yet I did want to say that you could take some of the fibers of the towel and place them in a locket. I had some baby hair from Doug in his baby book that I placed in a locket and I wear it on those days when I just need an added feeling of closeness. Just a thought.
Gentle care, Gina, on this path with so many hills, valleys, twists and turns...
XO Joanie
Gina, my very first thought was that I would have no idea how to handle a suicidal person and that really, you should back away. Then I read Teri\'s post and there is nothing I can add except that I agree with her. Perhaps give her the telephone number to a hotline but other than that, I would have no idea what to do and really, do not feel that there would be anything that I could do. I hope you find someone to make a quilt for you. I don\'t have enough of Michael\'s clothes to have one made. Hugs, Belinda
Dear Gina, my first thought as I read your journal was, oh no....That is too much stress for Gina right now. You have come so far and that situation could easily hinder your healing process. I wont offer advice, because Teri has said it all and I do agree with her.
I like Joanie\'s suggestion of a few fibers in a locket. As for \"Aunt Flo\", she no longer comes to visit and I am so glad. She was a pain in the ass any way!!
Good luck, on having that special quilt made. ((((HUGS)))), Julia
I have a friend who makes quilts Forget Me Not Quilts. I need to find her card to give you her website. She started this after she lost her hubby it was healing for her and since she was in my world when I lost Mike she said when I was ready she will make a quilt for me of my sons clothes. I remember she made a quilt for someone else in FMO here in FL. I will work on that for you.
As for the other I cannot add anymore than what has been said. I hope you will come to peace of mind.
Hugs
Penny
Hoping today was more peaceful. It is so good to be back in my own bed, though I\'ve come down with a stomach flu, hoping it\'s short lived. It\'s really a miracle when the body works correctly.
I don\'t think you should be too responsible for this new friend. After all, we\'re not experts, and can only recommend and pray for the best. Be good to yourself. Love, abby
I also have nothing to add. You are such a caring person that I understand how this is affecting you. Whatever she decides will be her decision. I just hope she decides to gets help and choose life.
Take care of Gina.
Love and hugs, M
Gina, remember to take care of you. All others in our life have to do the same thing, Sending you some peace, Kathy
I am amazed you are getting these run ins lately, the woman who recently lost her child and now this a teen who may be suicidal. I would find phone numbers for her that offer very professional help for her. It seems like it would be to much as you yourself are healing. The necklace sounds wonderful and so does the quilt. I intend on giving a quilt a big try here. For both of my son\'s, one quilt, hey, I have so many arts and crafts and even a bran new sewing machine here. When I am ready of course. I hope everything goes okay with this young lady, she just reminds me of my son Justin\'s girlfriend in ways and to be honest, she needs serious professional help, probably medication and who knows but a good evaluation and a DR. Good luck to you and I hope there is a way to make that necklace for you to wear around your neck. XOX Debbie
Oh Gina, I understand the towel. I was forced to view the sight outside of my son\'s house where he took his life. It was during a Buddhist ceremony that his wife hosted. I was not ready..she made me do it as a punishment. I will not go into detail about what I saw, but all I could do was think about taking all of what was left of my son..of what I had made. When people left, I started pawing at the ground, trying to get every last bit that I could treasure. My daughter in law screamed at me to drop it..that I would keep him on this earth and that It was selfish of me. She scraped all of it up, put it in a plastic grocery bag, and drove it to my other son\'s house and told him to keep it from me. It is now buried in the little memorial garden that I made for Patrick. When I go to that place, I am surrounded by dragonflies..every time. It is so important to carry what we have left. Perhaps a locket with a piece of the towel could keep Cassi close to your heart? Loving you, Lauri