some new thoughts
I wrote this a moment ago, the thoughts here are helping me move forward:
I think there is a side to me that would have made a good boyscout
I have been thinking about how I have been bereft of the ability to be myself
in the world. I can go to work and do the work and get myself to do a good job
and keep it well done - but then I come home and it's like I feel holed up in
my apartment - too timid to shift beyond my nose - because of the discomfort of venturing forth.
In the effort to find my way of doing things in the world. I know I have to just keep at it..
but what has come to me is that I can hold on to the different terms that people have for doing
things in life... like the american way or what have you - like a personal way of doing things- I think breeching that has been hard - like how to I move forward in consideration of all that...-essentially though - I think that I need "A way to look at things" says a bit about my nature... I can see how I was made into or became and artist as a child -
I became master and collector of ways of doing things.. Now I have to be self directing - and
I need to responsibly but also effectively nurture my path in the world. I can get caught up
in the world of things and my emotions seeming like a tsunami in front of me - but I think this new perspective that I have today 'drains the water' a bit and makes me more full of potential for
getting things done.
Replies
Big hug for you Mark...… I think that more people then not aren't 'fly by the seat of your pants ' people.... A lot of us have to have a plan in place sweetie including me
Having a plan for doing something at a certain day and certain time is something a lot of us do throughout life..... xo
thanks Jan. I really appreciate it. I have found that having a routine helps me feel grounded and less chaotic - and better rested and more reasonable. In that way I can have it both ways in a sense. So there are times I can do something spur of the moment - outside of the routine - and then go back to doing what the habit is later on....
I appreciate what you said.. Maybe it's time to add to the routine. There's a volunteer position I am going to try for
in November. But maybe I can start going to the gym too. There's a beautiful gym here at the apartment that's part of my rent that I never go to - or very infrequently. Maybe it's time to make that part of my health regimen. I don't know.
In the final analysis, I feel really good today. Things are good!
Glad you are feeling good today Mark.