solutioning
today started with a different perspective and I tried to just go with it
as the work day progressed. This isn't something I really 'get into' unconsciously anymore (the drilling down)
but it seems that in order to ground myself while spending time alone I need
to reach out and touch base with someone(s) you guys or family and friends
and metabolize my experience. Just the touchstone of companionship really helps.
My mind really pushed against me today - trying it's best to break me down, unwind me
and overthrow my calm boogie. The way it effected me at work is I became kind of overly emotional
and my boss gave me a slanty look :) hehe - it's actually not funny - but I guess it kind of is - I have
to keep it 'in check' at work because I know what it seems like. Gotta keep steady..
The voices started again as I drove home and then to the office and they kind of pushed at me again and again - but in all it helped
me see some good calming ideas though seemingly pushed unwillingly by them. Anyways, I am at home
now after work and the office (no yoga) today and quite frankly the alone time is 'doing what it does' -
I have my routine but maybe I'll go for a walk or lift some weights. It's all just managing.
Namaste, good vibes.
M
Replies
The less funny an ^it^ is, the harder I work to lighten ^it^ with humor. My rendition of the Zen spiel that big things should be treated lightly and little things should be treated grandly, I s'pose. I'm not sure what a "Slanty Look" is, but I suspicion it is akin to my "Evil Eye." I inherited the Evil Eye from my mother. That woman could silence a pack of self-important politicians from across a noisy room with her Evil Eye, then joke about ^it^ after they remembered to mind their manners.
Your growing awareness of how your mind pushes at you has been awesome to watch, Mark. Thank you for sharing it. May the strength of awareness continue to grow beyond what you imagined possible.
Thanks so much Arfie! You’ve been a great advisor along the way!!
"Advisor" sounds an awful lot like the "Experting" and "Advice Giving" which was gently but firmly and therapuetically beaten out of me and channeled into a much funner game of, "When I am elected Queen of The World." Who knows. . . You could even be elected King, right alongside of me. Don't mistake that election for an invitation to run The Queen's life, though. I have gentled considerable since I first exited the throw-away-kid camps, but I still bite when I feel threatened. I'm still a tad hyper-vigilant on that score,
Can we be equals in the healing journey? Equals in the sharing of strictly personal experience? It's lonely at the top and I donae have the social conditioning to handle the elevated job expectations. It hurts like a father fuck when we get knocked off pedestals.
Peace Arfie. No experting but peer to peer.