Society
Day 24 - 25 of 365 - Man Break
Last night a group of us went out for drinks for the birthday of a friend. Most of the girls there were either married or in serious long-term relationships. There were three of us singles, including the birthday girl who was turning 31. The conversation spun to relationships and marriage. One of the girls had been dating a guy for three years and was desperate for him to ask her to marry him. Another was moving in with a guy she had known just months. Another started talking about her wedding. Then there was talk of a girl, seemingly fatally single, who had finally met someone. Everyone seemed to sigh with relief. My eyes glazed over. It never fails. I would just like to go out and enjoy each other’s company. Have a few laughs. Talk about books, movies, plays, politics ... anything besides a reminder of how single girls are not quite right and not very important until they have a partner or a wedding or a baby.
I am going back to the theme of societal pressure to be part of a couple because this is an issue that keeps coming up for me and one that bothers me to no end. Why do I feel such pressure when I don’t even believe you have to have a partner to be happy? I can’t figure out why because I am actually quite content on my own. I am independent and do not sit around the house moping. I can’t quite put my finger on it but it’s like I’m doing something wrong. I got divorced for one. Had a city hall marriage instead of a princess dress and a tiara. Had two children with a deadbeat father – one unplanned before I was even married. After that relationships trickled through my fingers like water. When it comes to the dream of a husband, 2.5 children, the white picket fence and the mini van I have failed miserably. I think that’s it. I feel like I’m a failure. The way people look at me when I tell them I’m still single is like I have terminal cancer. I hate being pitied. I hate thinking I have messed up my life and missed out. It’s not really society’s mind that I have to change on this subject - it’s mine!
Last night a group of us went out for drinks for the birthday of a friend. Most of the girls there were either married or in serious long-term relationships. There were three of us singles, including the birthday girl who was turning 31. The conversation spun to relationships and marriage. One of the girls had been dating a guy for three years and was desperate for him to ask her to marry him. Another was moving in with a guy she had known just months. Another started talking about her wedding. Then there was talk of a girl, seemingly fatally single, who had finally met someone. Everyone seemed to sigh with relief. My eyes glazed over. It never fails. I would just like to go out and enjoy each other’s company. Have a few laughs. Talk about books, movies, plays, politics ... anything besides a reminder of how single girls are not quite right and not very important until they have a partner or a wedding or a baby.
I am going back to the theme of societal pressure to be part of a couple because this is an issue that keeps coming up for me and one that bothers me to no end. Why do I feel such pressure when I don’t even believe you have to have a partner to be happy? I can’t figure out why because I am actually quite content on my own. I am independent and do not sit around the house moping. I can’t quite put my finger on it but it’s like I’m doing something wrong. I got divorced for one. Had a city hall marriage instead of a princess dress and a tiara. Had two children with a deadbeat father – one unplanned before I was even married. After that relationships trickled through my fingers like water. When it comes to the dream of a husband, 2.5 children, the white picket fence and the mini van I have failed miserably. I think that’s it. I feel like I’m a failure. The way people look at me when I tell them I’m still single is like I have terminal cancer. I hate being pitied. I hate thinking I have messed up my life and missed out. It’s not really society’s mind that I have to change on this subject - it’s mine!
Replies
Absolutely. The day you have zero problem with being single, no one else will either.
As you know from my JE, I just spent a few days with some bat shit crazy family members. Crazy Aunt kept insisting that I must have a child. That I should adopt a child from China or \'a little black baby\' like Sandra Bullock so I would not have to be alone and would have someone to \'look after me\' when I am old.
Since it is her issue and not mine, it did not bother me a bit. I started to talk about my stepfather and how he had kids and now that he is 87, one of his kids tragically died before he did and the other is a double amputee that needs constant care. I said: I sure he hope he did not have kids for that reason because that sure would have back fired on him.
I love kids, but it is an endless, thankless job. Well I guess the thanks you get is the love your children, but I am just saying. If having kids made your life perfect then that crazy old drunk should be in Nirvana!!! And she is not. She lives in a hell that is created in her own mind.
Absolutely. The day you have zero problem with being single, no one else will either.
As you know from my JE, I just spent a few days with some bat shit crazy family members. Crazy Aunt kept insisting that I must have a child. That I should adopt a child from China or \'a little black baby\' like Sandra Bullock so I would not have to be alone and would have someone to \'look after me\' when I am old.
Since it is her issue and not mine, it did not bother me a bit. I started to talk about my stepfather and how he had kids and now that he is 87, one of his kids tragically died before he did and the other is a double amputee that needs constant care. I said: I sure he hope he did not have kids for that reason because that sure would have back fired on him.
I love kids, but it is an endless, thankless job. Well I guess the thanks you get is the love your children, but I am just saying. If having kids made your life perfect then that crazy old drunk should be in Nirvana!!! And she is not. She lives in a hell that is created in her own mind.
So true Susy. Nothing like marriage, kids, a house, a nice car is going to bring you happiness if you don\'t hold happines within. I actually admire people more who say \"no I really don\'t want kids\" and don\'t have them. I know so many people who have kids because that is the thing to do rather than they really want them. Same with marriage. Have we been so indoctrinated by society that we don\'t know WHAT to think? I\'m taking this year to sit back and really try to figure out what it is I REALLY want.