So tired of this ride

I am so tired of this roller coaster that is my life.  As if the ups and downs aren't bad enough I also have to try and keep it on track.  It's sometimes way too hard to be me.  I wonder why I am like this and if anyone will ever truly find a cure for this.  Sometimes I feel that I am discounted by my family because they can rationalize treating me the way they do.  For some reason their "good intentions" always seem to me full of malice.  You ask me what I need from you.  I tell you.  Then you do whatever you want anyway. So why did you ask.  When I'm falling down, you say lean on me, I will be here.  So I muster the energy and courage to lean on you.  But then you grow impatient. Like I have chosen to linger or continue falling down.  Telling me to get over it is NOT going to help.  Do you think I am happy being this way? I would have thought the endless tears might be a clue about how I feel.  What part of chemical imbalance don't you understand?  If the doctors and scientists can't fix me why do you think either of us can.  I don't understand how you all can't see my illness.  If I were an insulin dependent diabetic would you try to heal me by saying suck it up.  If I had a bad heart would you tell me its not real?  I know it is hard to look at me and believe there is anything wrong.  But thats not really true is it.  Do you not see my tears?  Do you not see my insomnia? Do you not see me shaking with anxiety?  Up the hill, down the hill.  God I am so damn tired.