so tired of the fight
Work went ok today after I was left alone to do it.
I really didn't like it - but then the persistence at doing
it finally melted away the dislike and I kind of just relaxed but fervently
got it done.
I know I have got to find something to do independently
and perhaps this journal is just the very start.
I feel differently sort of after the day's work -
but not so differently that I can't remind myself
to start to think about setting myself
in the right and desired direction...
I did a good job at work - but I didn't do it perfectly.
It's all good
now I am winding down the day - I am really tired of the fight
but I also know I must persist.- no one is going to save
this rodeo clown or rodeo cowboy?
I am so lucky to be safe - to have Blue and my family
and the sisters and the Abbess. and you guys-
Replies
If I enjoyed every moment of everyday and had nothing to challenge me, I don’t think I would feel
Stimulated by anything and might be a robot. Maybe think about strategy more than how it upsets you?
Hugs.
Hugs, Mark. I believe you have a great idea about doing something independently. Having a creative outlet on these types of days really helps. Mine is composing music. Perhaps find something completely unrelated to the monastery or work that brings you joy and peace. Keep on....
in my own case, "giving up the fight" was a critical piece of reframing. while i was fighting my mental health symptoms, i was forever giving myself black eyes and spinning off into my rage reflexes. when i reframed "the fight" into "managing my symptoms," i was far more able to find and nurture the natural beauty beneath the mental health symptoms. i began to view myself as one of god's works of art more than an evil demon in need of slaying.
Thanks Nikki, Judy, and Arfie!
It’s the start of a new day. I slept in and now I’m headed down to services.
Hope your day is a good one! Hugs.
Thanks Judy!!
Big hug sweetie....it can be frustraing if you don't like the work that you're doing
Good for you for persisting
And maybe take some time to think about what you might like to do.. xo
thanks janet!!
Sounds like you need a vacation
Thanks cc!!