So tired of feeling like this!

Ugh!  I'm so angry at this illness and the price I've paid for it.  Literally and figuratively.  I am not good at being angry, usually I see no point in it, but I have reached my limit.  I am sad and angry and not accepting of it at the moment.  I have been chronically depressed for the past few months and I guess I should be happy that my meds have stopped the cycling up (because I don't just go up, I spend $30k in three months up, etc.) but I'm still cycling within the depressive spectrum.  My pdoc says it's better because the amplitude of the waves is smaller.  I just wish it would all go away. 
I feel so alone in this because no one in my immediate sphere of people really understands bipolar.  They think I should just accept it or learn to manage my mood swings.  My step-dad even suggested that I take a "drug holiday" because he "misses my moments of brilliance."  I wish he would just understand how much those moments cost.  Most people in my life just want me to pretend to be normal so they don't have to really deal with it. 
There is this part of me that is sooooo angry and in pain that I want there to be a physical manifestation of it.  I used to SI but I have been free from that for a few years and I don't want to go back to it.  On my bad days, I've wanted to OD and then go to the hospital just so people would realize how serious this is.  (Yes, I told my pdoc that and she is concerned, but she knows that I have been able to be strong through worse, so she is trusting me to be responsible.  I actually agree with her as I'm unlikely to do anything to myself now that I was honest with her about it).  Anyway, this pain is awful.  I want some freaking sympathy.  This is like having a broken arm and having to hide it from everyone.  No one can sign my cast.  No one wants to. 
I really feel so alone.  I try to come here so I feel less that way, but I often feel as though I'm being dramatic compared to other people's struggles.  My pdoc says I've stayed out of the hospital by the "skin of my teeth" but I've stayed out.  Other people here have been in multiple times and my heart aches for them. 
On top of everything, my mom is dealing with a serious (although not terminal) health issue and she keeps telling me she has accepted her illness so I should accept mine.  I spend a lot of time taking care of her, and while she means well, this line of crap does not help.
Finally, I start grad school this fall and I'm terrified.  I will have a great deal of responsibility to complete assignments and attend class.  I know that doesn't sound like a huge deal, but it has been for me in the past.  I just crumble when I have to do these things.  I'm terrified of not making it this fall.  And it's almost the end of June so I only have two months to get things in gear.  Somehow right now, I can't see that happening. 
Oh well.  Done ranting.