so so tired of it all

wasnt up to journal yesterday. I seemed to have caught a bug while working saturday. It just kicked the rug right out from under me. Plus I think all this mental fatigue is catching up. It's hard being strong and positive all the time but I am still determined to be exactly that. This past friday I guess what I told him sunk in. He made deposit but never contacted me to confirm (his usual routine). Maybe my words finally sunk into his pea-brain!!! It's better this way. The counselor seems to think sooner or later he will try again to connect. Can't say he will or won't. I am careful not to say anything to anyone who can relay it to him. He doesnt need to know what I am doing, where I'm going or whatever. Still a struggle not to have feelings but pray everyday for them to go away. Just waiting for prayers to be answered. His oldest son has a birthday in 2 weeks. I would bet he tries to at least text him (he is his namesake) but I also know the son will totally ignore him. Fair justice to the dad!! u bethca!!!!