so much inner change, thankful for my community and determination

Glad yesterday is over. We had nonstop rain, heavy rain, with no let-ups in the intensity,

for a good 24 hours. It was rough going being shut indoors, as it was risky even driving

out in the stuff. I felt very alone but also grateful to have Blue and the lack of sun

really inspired some sundowning reaction. Looking at screens seemed to be draining me of 

my soul.

So, today is a new day! (and the rain has stopped!)

I went to work and felt I did a good job - and that kept me going along the way -

- then I left work and came home. Towards the end of the work day my mind scrambled a bit - much like

it does on many days- like it did yesterday - while I was alone in my apartment. 

I know we all have to cope with the changes we experience within ourselves. And remembering

this with that sense of commonality - I am feeling a little more prepared to deal with it.

Today, in order to get back to familiar ground, so to speak, I am coming on DS

and getting a sense of myself and the community again. The community helps

me remember myself and clear away some of the dissaray of my mind. 

It all can also feel foreboding to manage it - and flipping on the TV is easier than dealing with 

me asserting and doing the work.  But I am determined not to let go...

Last night before going to bed, I found commonality in a different kind of way -

and then at work today I found a sense of accomplishment and excellence

in doing the best job I could. The job really does catch and couch me - and I am grateful

for it.

My mind tends to play with me a great deal...once I've concluded something.. it just

acts up :) But it's giving me, as of today, with a positive view on it, a greater sense of interdependence -

and independence all at once...perhaps it's an after effect of seeing beyond my issues

to find the firmament.

And that point really rang through last night while I was getting to bed - of the interconnection

and gray area we all have - as though

many if not all of us feel like an unfinished symphony - of things we need to do, ought to do

and also want to do...at the time I went to bed I just felt in commonality with the vagueries

and gray areas and also the responsibilities...does that make sense?

I'll read some more posts and journals.

Sending good vibes out to you guys!

Mark