So many questions
Where do I go from here? When does the deep ache stop? When will the tears subside?
I have been extremely weepy lately. Every little thing causes me to tear up. Just when I think I'm doing better something sets me back. I cried all the way home yesterday in a torintial downpour. It was bad enough that the rain was so heavy I couldn't see. then I was crying my eyes out. It's was as if the heavens had opened up and shared my grief.
I haven't been able to shake the acute loneliness. I feel as if it's me against the world lately. I know I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself, but damn it I am. I've never felt this alone. My sister who been single for over 20 years, twice divorced, used to say that it much easier to do things when somebody does it with you. I never really understood until now. It doesn't have to be your life partner it can be just someone who enjoys the same things you do. I was just really lucky that Tim was my best friend and husband we did everything together. So as I do things around the house by myself it takes forever because I have to stop and cry. Then get myself back togetherband go on. It's not that I don't want to do the work it's just so lonely. And as luck would have it my closest girlfriend lives in MN.
Ive struggled with remembering that my Sons lost their father. I get so lost in my own grief I forget they are grieving also. Sometimes I feel so selfish in my own grief. Today really hit home my youngest Son opened a Facebook account and started tagging himself in pictures of his Dad and I. It was like little daggers in my heart. They miss him so much. My youngest Sonwould talk to his Dad Almost every day. Now he struggles with the question, did he make his Dad proud. He made some mistakes but their Dad was extremely proud of both of them. I try to tell them that, but it doesn't mean as much coming from me.
Then I read an article today that really opened my eyes on being a widow/widower. Not that I've given it much thought but it was written by a man who was getting married to a widow. He pointed out that he would be the #2 man in her life. Also how he was not only taking on her, her children, her family but also her in-laws. It made me realize how special of a person it takes to put themselves in that position.
Hug, Sandi
I have been extremely weepy lately. Every little thing causes me to tear up. Just when I think I'm doing better something sets me back. I cried all the way home yesterday in a torintial downpour. It was bad enough that the rain was so heavy I couldn't see. then I was crying my eyes out. It's was as if the heavens had opened up and shared my grief.
I haven't been able to shake the acute loneliness. I feel as if it's me against the world lately. I know I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself, but damn it I am. I've never felt this alone. My sister who been single for over 20 years, twice divorced, used to say that it much easier to do things when somebody does it with you. I never really understood until now. It doesn't have to be your life partner it can be just someone who enjoys the same things you do. I was just really lucky that Tim was my best friend and husband we did everything together. So as I do things around the house by myself it takes forever because I have to stop and cry. Then get myself back togetherband go on. It's not that I don't want to do the work it's just so lonely. And as luck would have it my closest girlfriend lives in MN.
Ive struggled with remembering that my Sons lost their father. I get so lost in my own grief I forget they are grieving also. Sometimes I feel so selfish in my own grief. Today really hit home my youngest Son opened a Facebook account and started tagging himself in pictures of his Dad and I. It was like little daggers in my heart. They miss him so much. My youngest Sonwould talk to his Dad Almost every day. Now he struggles with the question, did he make his Dad proud. He made some mistakes but their Dad was extremely proud of both of them. I try to tell them that, but it doesn't mean as much coming from me.
Then I read an article today that really opened my eyes on being a widow/widower. Not that I've given it much thought but it was written by a man who was getting married to a widow. He pointed out that he would be the #2 man in her life. Also how he was not only taking on her, her children, her family but also her in-laws. It made me realize how special of a person it takes to put themselves in that position.
Hug, Sandi
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