so much

so much has gone on since the last time i have been able to write.
i guess i forgot about this site for some reason, since i've been so damn busy.
i don't have hep C according to the dumbass doctors. which is a total relief. i haven't been in daily pain. i think its odd. this past saturday i had some really hard cramping. today some mild cramps. but other than that really nothing to break a sweat about.
is it bad that i feel odd about the times when i'm not in pain? i'm just so used to being in pain. i mean i went a few months with being in pain almost every day. i should be getting my period soon, and it'll be the first real period with being off birth control. i'm fucking worried. i have no oxys left, only tramadol. last time tramadol didn't do shit for me, but i'll try it agian.
i'm so scared about being in that serious pain. the pain where i think i might have to go to the hospital. i don't want to go there :( at all. or the time when i'm alone and i can't deal with the pain, nor could i drive with it. then it'll for sure be a trip by ambulance.
i see the RE on the 22nd. i've been looking forward to nothing but that appointment for months. i hope that my hopes aren't crushed. that if anything they can give me pain killers that work.
who knows. i guess we shall just have to wait and see.