So Fucking Mad!!!

I feel like such an idiot! I'm at my morning group therapy session and one woman has been going for ECT for a while and when I told her I started today she said, "so, no food or drink for you today……right?" I looked at her funny and said nobody told me not to eat or drink anything for this. She said that for her she can't have food or drink after midnight the night before. I tell her I haven't eaten anything but I've had a cup of coffee today and she says I should call them before I go because they may not do it today because of that. So I call and the woman tells me they can't do the treatment because I had the coffee. I was pissed off and tell her that nobody told me about this. She tells me that she's sure that she did tell me and I wasn't supposed to take my morning meds either. I remember her telling me about the meds so I'm sure she did tell me about no food or drink but I forgot about it all. What an idiot I am! To her credit this woman was very nice and understanding about it all and told me that it happens all the time. I am scheduled for Wed. at 9am and I will make sure I follow the rules this time. Part of what makes this suck is the anticipation is fucking killing me, I'm very nervous and now I get to sit with those feelings for another couple days. Its all my fault, I did it to myself. I am so mad at myself I even thought about cutting. So far just a thought. One good thing to report…….when I got home I called my brother to wish him a happy birthday and I got to talk to one of my nieces who I haven't talked to in a long while. Her birthday was yesterday and she's 8. It was nice to talk to her and my brother.