so far so good - ish.

padded about.....hello kitchen.  pulled a frying pan off the hook and set it on the stove.  put the last three strips of bacon in the pan and wandered off. restocked toilet paper, got a fresh gallon of cpap water......meandered, stalled out but pressed on.  flipped the bacon, lowered the heat.  checked the frig.....one serving of lefover creamy southern grits.  that'll do.

add a bit of water, nuke for three minutes after cracking eggs into the pan.  pour a glass of fake juice....dread changing the litter and watering the plants.  all 38 of them.  both chores combined take all of hmmmm.....ten minutes maybe?  then it's done, ahh  relief.  another week til litter changing time comes again.  the plant children are all glad for a fresh drink of water.......they look healthy and happy.  more light would help them but if you can't add a skylight you just can't.  move on.

the phone rings, the phone that needs not be answered.  i check it once or twice a day to see if anyone might have maybe possibly in a blue moon called.  rare that's it's someone i want or need to speak to.  it's really just a ringing audio interruption.  as a teen a ringing phone meant bliss.......something was about to happen.  to hide from my little sisters prying ears i would pull on the phone cord and hide away in the front coat closet so my best friend Janie and I could chatter about everything and endlessly forever........or until my Dad got home from work.  he would walk in the house, see the stretched cord and unceremoniously decide to end all communication save his.  get off the phone was not announced, simply performed and i would guiltily come out of the closet.  again. 

start dinner.......help sisters with their homework.   be the fake mom of the house again and again and again. 

so early to be so much in charge of others in the role of a grown up.  i was not a grown person........i felt old beyond my years but always ached to be mothered.  always......left wishing and waiting for mothering that didn't come.  i did have mothering for a little while.......and only remembered bits of it......by the time i was six mothering was over.  mother went on but didn't feel the need to mother me.  she mocked, she sneered, she spewed anger, she hit.......in my sleep.  woke me out of a sound sleep to hit me awake.  crying and hitting.  she was sick........it didn't hurt any less knowing she was ill.  it didn't explain anything to a little girl confused, hurt and crying.  so many tears.  she used to make me  clean up my own vomit as a little girl.  she was impatient and annoyed as i wretched all over the floor next to her singer sewing machine.  i always wept after being ill like that......and i remember being down on my knees wondering why my own mom despised me so.  i had been at a friends  house.......they were cuddled, soothed, led away from the mess......warm wet clothes to sooth a fevered brow.  once in a blue moon mom would give me some of her sprite.  her very own not to be shared with any of us stash of sprite.  she wasn't a huge fan of 7-up. 

getting some of her sprite was almost like getting some of her love.......almost.  stingy sick mom.  will i ever know if i was a good momma?  based on what i experienced?  i have tried.  always told them i loved them, took them to endless music lessons, sports practices and games, so many events.......read to them, tucked them in.......cooked and played with and cheered them on.  but do they really know how much i love treasure cherish them?  every parent can improve i suppose.........i have a whole slough of faults. 

enough enough already.  move along.......i put things in the trunk to take to my daughter tomorrow.  and i put things in a basket to take to my friends house on Wednesday.   the dishes are in the dishwasher.  i sprayed vanilla febreze to countermand essence of bacon.  bay kon.....with a french accent if you prefer.

i have discovered the Graham Norton Show........a talk show in England.  I don't know what years it ran or  if it's still going on....but that doesn't matter to me at all as I watch his show.  It's funny.....in a good way.  There is a lot of poking fun in a very inclusive way that respects the celebrities that come on his show but also keeps them all very human......normalizes them so that we can see how very human they are.  it makes me giggle, smile........sometimes it bores me.  which i hate to admit, being bored.  i try not to let boredom be the mantra in this house.  you can always find something to do or think about........always.     don't give up and become a part of a lazy hoard of "I'm so borrrrred beings."  Just don't.

fought the battle with my phone company and won again.  for awhile.  they promise to do better but they can't seem to make it stick.  somehow, in some way they accidentally or on purpose trick me, their decades long loyal customer.  i spent an hour and a half on friday and over two hours yesterday.......it is an actual job i have with them.  note to self, cordon off 3-5 hours annually to fight for the right price of your telecommunications bill.  face it......accept it, just do it.  hire someone to howl your frustration at the moon on your behalf.

can you imagine if you hired a gaggle of life complaint howlers to gather in your yard at night once a month or so?  to just show up at 9 pm and  howl..............that would cause some talk in the neighborhood.  even out here in the country it would be noticed.

i am going to see my daughterface tomorrow.  happy about it too!  she leaves for Tybee Island on Friday for a week......hope she will bring me some sand.  and pictures, lots of lovely pictures.  they have a really lovely light house.

thursday is lady lunch and cards day.  i am to bring a coconut cake and chips.  this time i got a can of pringles.  tah dah!  need to pick up the cake tomorrow.......must REMEMBER to do this.

i am already dreading having to do my hair tomorrow and the very next morning.  how lazy do i sound, but truthfully it is a pain to have to blow it dry and then style it.  i try not to do it more than once every week or two.  save my energy for all my other puttering.

also need to pick out two outfits so i don't stall and change clothes the day(s) of.  no changie mindsies for this girl.  that will wipe me out ......not at the time but  within an hour or two of fashion confusion.......it leaves me less animated, less awake, less able to hang with friends.  i get sleepy, feel a lot of pain and struggle like a person having to .......what's it called.  you're alone in deep water and you have to remain afloat.......what is that called when you move your arms and legs in a way that keeps you above the water.  well crapola.....i don't know the word right now.  twirl, twaddle, tweak, twerp, does it start with a t or not?  i give up.

i spilled some liquid from the roasting pan on sunday......got a big stain on the oven mitt.  grabbed the stain fighting liquid, squirted it on the mitt and let it sit.......did the dishes.  .......the next day i opened the dishwasher to empty it and there on the top rack was a very clean confused drippy wet oven mitt.  i swear to God.......first time i've ever done that.........brain fog 3 points, me zip.

alrighty then........life is good. stay as sane as you can but never forget to laugh.