so far, so good

Well, I think I've been doing o.k. since my break up with food.  I've been doing alot of stuff like going back to school, joining a wriing group and joining DS, all under the heading "it's my turn". But it occurred to me that taking care of my eating problem is something important that I need to do for me too. "It's my turn" to take care of myself physically. That includes eating and exercise. I think I'm finally starting to look at food differently. Exercise too. When I get cravings for foods I think of it in terms of what it will do for my body. will it nourish me or is it just another "booty call"? Of course, it's no where near perfection.(not even in the same universe).lol.  My total weight loss since I started just over a week ago is 13 lbs. I still have 23 lbs to go before I can have the surgery. (actually only 13, but I'm shooting for 23). The clinic said I have to get down to 410. I personally want to get down to 400 -399 actually, just so I can say I'm under 400. My counselor brought up something too. That I use my eating to avoid pain. That's not a new revelation, but she said that pain is something that all humans go through and basically, it's ok to feel pain. It's ok to exercise when our feet hurt. Its ok to go without food when we know we're not hungry. All this time there's been this little monster in my head (I'm a very visual person, I have to put a picture with every thought.) that paces back and forth and causes me to feel very anxious if I don't eat when I get a craving, or take a snack to bed, or whatever. It's nearly impossible to calm him until I eat. After recognizing that its uncomfortable and it's ok to be uncomfortable and just let him pace anxiously, he doesn't have near the power he did before. I'm probably rambling now, but that's ok. This is mostly for me anyway. God bless all of you for your support and encouragement. That has been a tremendous help to me.