so excited.........gratefulandamazed

Rayos is giving me some magical days........yes there are trade offs, no it's not a cure.  It's a huge help for me.  It's amazing and I am grateful.

I can't afford it currently so it will be over soon, but replaced by regular inexpensive prednisone.  This will change the efficacy of how it works but it may still provide me with help and again I can afford it all by myself.  It cost me $4 for a 30 day supply.  Time will tell what the side effects are, what the medical/functionality value is.  Life is about trade-offs and compromise.....trying to be in a good headspace about this, cause until I have a less expensive financial footprint.....entered into a two year minimum wait list for a lower priced apt which will also mean no more mowing, home repairs and so forth.  My utilities costs will go way way down......so at that time I can revisit the Rayos option as a helpmate for daily life.

By writing this all out I hope to help myself believe in what I am saying....that I can wait, that the prednisone will help......that leaving Sparrow Cottage won't crush my independent spirit, but that I will come to appreciate being able to help myself better medically.  Everything seems so important......compromise/change.......to be in care of contentment and peace.

Lots to muddle on about ......we continue to have a lot of heavy thunderstorms, the lightning is very impressive......poor Rio!  He no likey at allie.  Poor baby.

Met with a guy named Shawn about adding some mulch to my heavily balding front yard......he's gonna come up with a plan/a cost so we'll see if I can or not.  I know, one minute I'm talking about being too poor for Rayos and the next I'm fixing the front up........people are complex creatures.  With lots of indiosyncrasies.......that's me in a bucket.

I'm burning up hot right now........went out to paint some more.  Gotta put several coats on the curvy rocker pieces on both chairs.....also painting a metal carryall that stands in my bathroom.  It's a metallic bronze color which is nice, but doesn't match my bathroom......limited storage, this is lightweight and holds a lot of creams and everything I seem to think is necessary to take care of myself in proper glam lady fashion!  I invoked a moratorium on buying creams and lotions and things of that ilk so that I can afford spray paint for my little projects.

I need to get the main wicker pieces off the grass so that I can have Bruce come and mow......just realized yesterday that the dandelions are impressively tall......oops!

Last Saturday I went to 64 Main with some Midway Church Folks.....on a personal note, being able to navigate a grassy slope without help, without a cane put a huge grin on my face!  This is a RAYOS Celebration !!!!!!  THIS IS MAJOR!  Was able to get up and down out of my chair easily.......8 or 10 times to help serve the hot dogs/burgers/chips/soda pop and icees to these families.  We also brought cases of books all free for them to take away for hours of summer reading!!!!!  I had a wonderful time talking to the kids.....so bright, so funny, open.......LOVED talking to them. Laughing with them, I felt carefree...........didn't think about me for hours.  GOOOOOOOOOOOD ......me, my pain, me, being lonely, me, my anxieties/worries and all that mess.  I was alive alive oh!

By the end of the day after cleanup I was very ready to come home.  Pain was coming in hard and fast like a plane hitting a wind shear........took my breath away, but this Cinderella was back in her easy chair braced for impact.  It wasn't easy......it took a logn time, a few hours for the spasms and random paints to chill, it was intermittent but very impressive pain. I slept that night and the next day until 6 pm.  At that point I was able to make a sandwich and watch a movie in bed.  Then I crashed again.......and spent the next two- three days in bed resting/sleeping/being grateful for a comfy nest. 

I got the crown......the dentist/his staff did a great job, didn't hurt, there was some pressure and a little bit of a chill when they were checking things........but once it was on it was a done deal.  I promised to not eat any sticky candy for 24 hours.......and I let him know the kids and I were going out for Korean BBQ.  He recommended his favorite place......770 KBQ, so I rerouted the kids and they LOVED IT!  IT was so gooooood.  I'm not as adventurous on some of the sides as the kids seem to be, but that beef freshly roasted over a charcoal fire was crazy delicious!  We had a good time catching up and celebrating Derian's 31st Birthday........he had taken 5-6 months off work, he's been back working for the same company as a contractor (this pays more).....for two months now.  He's also back in school, learning coding, animation and other skills needed to become a video game creator.  He has some sort of professional status as a game player.......he and Sara have gone to gaming conferences and he plays other gamers from all over the world.  He's loving it......Sara is so busy she can barely breathe.......she doesn't have another wedding to sing at until December and she's only teaching music to kids two days a week, but adding an additional 4 people to her staff of two has kept her spinning.  Training the new people and the added time needed to buy product keeps her zipping around.  She plans to do some IT work for Derian's employer, they pay $30 for basic IT work......which is nice easy working from home money, so she will probably take that on  two.  IF Sara weren't busy she wouldn't be Sara.....

Meanwhile Sam just landed in Cincinnati Ohio early last night......he's spending a week with a former college pal, Erica.  I've been told that nothing romantic is going on......they spend a week together every year.  Erica has two hyper busy fun little boys .....Sam and Erica have a lot of fun taking them to all sorts of activities.......I'm glad Sam is on holiday.  He reallllllly needs it.......they are expanding his work and it's a lot to take on.  They are adding another big warehouse to do key work and to paint the pianos once they are refurbished.  The piano key guy they've always used lives in the great NW and is retiring......at the same time their long time piano painter here announed that he too is retiring.........so they have decided to have certain people trained in these skills and bring it in house.......mercy!  Big plans, I continue to pray about this new venture.....the city they are in has approved them to have a spray booth and so forth, so big WHEW!!!!!!

I stopped at Petsmart to look at kitties......they are a bit older and need a good home.  Still not sure......still deciding.  Then I looked online at some other places to see cost and such.......and then I went on Next Door.....someone who lives about 3 miles from me found two wee kittens yesterday in their laundry room.........no clue how they got in, and the guy owns big big dogs, cannot keep the little fluffy kitts........... I emailed him to call me, but nothing........so they may already be gone or he may just not be checking his messages?  Hard to say........

My mind is clearer a lot of the time, I feel stronger, not so wonky/wobbly/fallsavvy.......I can just get up out of bed.  I can just get in and out of my car.........ah Rayos, why can't ya be more affordable?  Yes, I have spoken to the manufacturer, to the doc, to the other programs ......I don't qualify for this reason or that reason.......I got the med approved by my insurance finally but they  say it will cost $300......for 90 days.  This doesn't seem like all that much, but my xarelto costs me even more than that, and I don't feel like I can have money as needed for general home repairs, the just in case money if the xyz needs replacing or fixing........not having those funds scares me even more than how sick and wimpy and wonky I usually am. 

Yesterday I was walking all over my front yard without FEAR.  My crazy rocky hilly goatyard......it's not super steep, but it's anything but flat or stable.  Usually it's not doable for me, but right now I can during the main part of the day. Incredible......really really incredible!

Enough already........I love, miss, wish I could see you........wish we could go to the lake and do the back float, get a DQ cone on the way home and laugh like happy folks do!  want you, love you, need you more n' life itself....................hugs, ruthie